Kaleidoscope situations

"Never give up. Never surrender."

2012-01-30T12:18:00.002+01:00

Long, long time ago, during some other personal apocalypse, I noticed that world does not end when my life falls apart.

Sun rises and sets.

Other people go about their business.

Even my heart trods on in its rather predictable rhytm.

I was a bit dissapointed at first, I mean - Apocalypse and routine strolling hand in hand! - that could not be right!! But is was. And it is. There is a undeniable and exquisite beauty that liberates with its sole existence in that fact.

So this weekend I walked off, knit off...

...and baked off another apocalypse.

Sun rose and set. People went about their business. And in every beat of my heart there was acknowledgement and celebration of life. Of survival and continuance. Of neverending resolve to incarnate my hopes.

Tomorrow is another day

2012-01-24T21:51:00.000+01:00

Torn between angry frustration and obvious improbability of nonviolent solution I continue my search for more partial solutions that I'll use with seemingly blatant disregard of parsimony law to try to puzzle-up two or more partial solutions covering more of the problem than single unfittable solutions would cover. Will it work? I do not know. But I do know that sitting on my hands hoping for things to resolve themselves will definitely fail. And sun will still rise tomorrow, maybe even so beautifully as yesterday.

Kreso i Kisele Kise, Cirkus and Officer Down @KSET 20Jan2012

2012-01-21T16:11:00.002+01:00

I lived in Rijeka when I was in college. It was a great cultural shock for me moving from Zagreb to Rijeka. In positive sense.

You see, I was always more or less unwilling to conform and it often meant I spent a lot of time surrounded with punk and HC crowd. In Zagreb pressure to conform is great and mentality even now small-town and narrow minded (although Zagreb is by far biggest city in Croatia and also capital) leading to punks being beastly fierce, unforgiving and over-the-top in need of visual cues of belonging. When I moved to Rijeka I was, all of the sudden, surrounded with alternative dress-codes and lifestyles of all kinds and that was so usual, so nonchalant, so accepted as normal and so un-weird it was mainstream.

And that same sense of relaxed normalcy overpowered my weary soul when I arrived to KSET last night to see Kreso i Kisele Kise, Cirkus and Officer Down.

Usually early, watching musicians go through sound checks and crowd gather, I was reminded of that very shock and the sense of being at home I always had in Rijeka and from there it only got better.

CiRKUS from Poreč were first on stage and they made for one great show...

... both with their music and being funniest live act I have ever seen. Their front-man was talking all the time and he was so unusually candid that everything they did was regarded benevolent and funny - including few awkward jokes and side-show their nauseous guitarist had during the performance. Reggae really is not high on my list of preferred musical styles but it was sheer pleasure to listen to them play - relaxed, vivacious, auditory attractive, direct.

Next ones up were my primary point of interest: Kreso i Kisele Kise (Kreso and Acid Rains)...

... and they were utterly fantastic! There is very small selection of things more beautiful to me than than to see people that were up until ten minutes ago blending mimicricly with the audience all of the sudden climbing onto stage in wigs, skirts and flower-design long-johns. They played all of my favorites (Odmor-Stan, Zamet me Zove, Babo! Babo! Ugrizo me jež!) and then some and they had absolutely wicked collection of props doing this including feather boa, sprays and paper fireworks. I laughed so hard I lost my voice and I danced and enjoyed this gig immensely.

And if all that was not enough there was another band after KKK's: Officer Down...

... who were promoting their new album "Fušeri uzvraćaju udarac" and who have a cutest girl ever with wonderful singing voice among their midst. I almost felt sorry for them when they were going up stage as the night was not very young at that point and two bands have already shaken the crowd up but all my concern proved to be in vain as the audience had indeed brought their dancing shoes and goodwill with them and they sang with and danced and drank and enjoyed themselves.

I do not think I ever saw so many females like there were last night in KSET nor so overwhelming female to male ratio at any concert whatsoever. And most certainly I never did see women sing so passionately any song with any topic as they sang Rakija (distilled strong spirits, Schnaps) last night.

Great performances, great concert night and great night out.

White gloves

2012-01-20T15:59:00.001+01:00

I have not blogged for a few days because I was sad and angry. Mostly angry. And I'm still not comfortable talking about that so I'll just move to other stuff.

My cardigan is coming along nicely, but there was an urgency of greatest importance - my offspringess stated that she's in need of new gloves and this urgent need had to be addressed A.S.A.P. And it was. These white variegated Ringwoods are already in wearable condition.

Also, carnival time is drawing near and my offspringess ordered that short shihakusho coat (like the one Nozomi Kujo wore in Bleach) is to be made immediately so she can prance around in it when the need arises. So I'm putting my cardigan on hold a bit until this is done.

Life is truly beautiful when one sees one's values being integrated in one's children.

It is a playground and a church, all at the same time.

Pure Stems Pack @ KSET 12Jan2011

2012-01-16T15:57:00.002+01:00

It may be that I'm most cautious going to gigs of people who I know from my ex-life but there is no better time than the present to confront one's own misconceptions. So I went to see Pure Stems Pack album promotion show at KSET on Thursday night.

First up there were Stronghold, street HC band from Zagreb...

... and they were pretty good. Well played-in, energetic, raw. I loved the nonchalance with which the singer communicated with the audience and I loved how the moment they started to play I was absolutely sure my decision to come to this gig was the right one.

Also, I immediately remembered what I loved best back in the day: this is the crowd with which there is absolutely no doubt whatsoever that no matter how well stocked the party is there will always be people there who are NOT too drunk to fuck. People who are so autonomous they need no help to say no to drugs, to booze, to pressure of any kind. Regally Independent.

Next ones up, Dryflood, kicked ass and they were contagiously playful and fun to see and listen to. Having two vocals could be tiresome and chaotic but they pull it off quite nicely.

Between taking pictures, dancing and greeting old friends time just flied and then there were Pure Stems Pack up on the stage.

There was some talk, some laughter, few guests and firm HC sound and it all went by too fast.

I am pleased.

It may be that HC is not everyone's cup of tea but they do make best live shindigs. It was good of me to allow myself some leeway in this matter to go and see and remember where is it I'm coming from.

New Dress

2012-01-12T11:48:00.000+01:00

As we all got gifts during Christmas season and Frankie didn't get anything my offspringess decided to resolve this tale of injustice with negotiations about dressmaking. She was so cunning this time (I wonder where she gets that from?) she offered to be taught knitting if the garment that I am to make - will meet her expectations.

This was just too precious to miss.

I got my tiny 2mm dpns and fine red mercerised cotton thread and in an hour or so made open back dress tied in the back of the neck that can easily be dressed on the big headed doll. Adorned with black felt flower I thought it looked just perfect.

Offspringess said: "This is the dress? It looks even better than I have imagined!"

So there you have it. Just to plan a few begginers lessons and we're ready to roll :-)

Work and Play

2012-01-09T10:22:00.000+01:00

I took a few days off knit-wise and spent first week of this year browsing through books and playing Fallout 1 (tweaked with Falche - OMG the difference for short play time-frames available to working single parents!).

This weekend I returned to knitting and this is my two-day progress working on top-down cardigan (size L, 40-42) for me. I am pleased. I'm even going to write down instructions to make this one.

Kniting it I had plenty of time to watch bunch of series and even a few movies - I especially liked Girl With the Dragon Tatoo (2009) that national TV showed on Saturday night. It is wonderfully made movie with great cast and lustrous cinematics and I enjoyed the immersion immensly. During scenes with Peter Andersson I got so furious my hands shook from anger and my blood boiled.

Wonderfuly made movie.

I think I'm going to go to library and read the books to see the discrepance, and then I will check out Fincher's 2011 version.

Here comes New Year, bringing gift of living in interesting times

2012-01-02T15:37:00.000+01:00

How it lookedlike:

On December 30thwe have a fight.

He says we havenot progressed at all and that he feels alone.

I say I don'tunderstand why we should give up on something we worked so hard to achieve.

We both cry andpat each other on the back.

He cries becauseit is a sad sentiment. I cry because it is true.

How it felt like:

HE:

Beside this oneisolated complaint – he hasn't done anything to „progress“ us. No hopes orplans have been presented by him and shot down by me. When he says we should do something he means that...

I should assessthe situation

And determinewhat could be done

And decide whatshould be done

And plan how/when/whereto do it

And implement allsolutions

And I should do it all the whiledefending myself from flood of defeatism.

I worked so hardto preserve this because I do not doubt I love him and that I want to make itwork with him. I know there are many fish in the sea but I'd like, if just fornow, for this fish to be my fish – for this fish to be The Fish.

What it meant to me:

We can only assess our own thoughts and feelings, if any at all. And Ithink that we mould our significant others and let ourselves be molded by themto soften the edges of our own incongruity with the World. It is a process oflove as much as of survival. Process of growth as much as of reactiveness. We maynot always choose people who complement us, motivate us, cultivate us – but wechoose them in time-space coordinates of our own lives. No effort spent isultimately futile, no secret kept is ultimately safe.

So we will see what the future will wash up on our shore.

Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011.)

2011-12-29T13:45:00.000+01:00

Two days ago I watched "Crazy, Stupid, Love" (2011.) and as I am still thinking about it I've decided to write a few words on the topic.

I did not like the movie.

I think this is well made, actually pretty good movie.

How can this be?

There is an lasting anecdote saying Alfred Hitchcock was once asked about nature of movies and that he replyed that "A lot of movies are about life, but mine are slices of cake" - and surely, so they were.

This movie definitely isn't slice of cake. It neither amuses us (being awkwardly paced) nor educates us (having nothing to say), it does not impress us (as we've already seen it all if we ever looked around us) nor it seduces us with beauty (we've all seen better) so this movie is a slice of life.

And in life - cast is brilliant!

Steve Carell, Julianne Moore, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Marisa Tomei, Analeigh Tipton, Jonah Bobo, Kevin Bacon... it is a godawful mixture of unpairable puzzle pieces - which comes over weirder still as they have all been made parts of romantic relationships. But it is not weird. Life is not a Hollywood movie and in all sincerity this IS how living people pair up. Society IS a canopy of mediocrity not frequently interrupted with intelligence and/or beauty.

And then - there's a thing with the title "Crazy, Stupid, love" and the way it beautifully sums it up:

CRAZY - for which other adjective could you slap onto man's longterm best friend who leaves him in his hour of need with the words:"My wife said we have to choose between you and Emily and I cannot see you anymore." or the fact that same man still comes to prune "his" roses and groom "his" lawn after being divorcely evicted.

STUPID as there is nothing better to be said about a man who thinks he and his wife stopped being "us" after she slept with a coworker and not after a millenia of quiet despair in invisibility and routine.

LOVE as there is nothing to give our life meaning IF WE DON'T. Stories that steer our lives are not facts but interpretations - our thoughts and feelings that we use to explain, to predict, to understand. Soulmate? One and only? Destiny? Hell yeah! It surely sounds better than:" I squandered my life on mediocre twat because I lacked guts in the beginning and later I was to lazy to change anything." So there is love. There has to be love. Because interpretations are our facts. And if love is what motivates us - sky is the limit!

I especially liked the ironic addition of Jacob Palmer (Ryan Gosling) - obviously intelligent, beautiful, hardworking and accomplished character with seemingly moral significance. And if you watch carefully this pretty picture educates no moral whatsoever. There is no fallacy in his womanizing nor is he reprieved by discovery of love. He is the only intelligent, purposeful subject of this entire story even being only an object.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T16:45:00.001+01:00

Now that all gifts have been sent to their intended recipients I can bask a little bit more in the happiness of job well done. There were some non-glove gifts made - in case you were wondering - but they were not very photogenic un-modeled.

Through the sea of gloves to the shores of Truth Will Set You Free.

There's no time better than Christmas time to set the record straight; to show love to deserving ones and serve some clear-cut honesty carpaccio to ones that earned only disgust and mistrust. Things may not end well but everyone knows where they stand - and if any effort will be spent in bettering oneselves there will be no more days fucked up by selfish disregard of community by catering to own whimsical needs.

Addictions are not diseases - they are markers of character weakness!

Also, I got most wonderful Christmas gift from my friend.

It's good to have someone to love who actually deserves it.

Thank God, Winter Solstice Has Passed

2011-12-23T11:15:00.003+01:00

As I work from 9 to 5 this regime before winter solstice leaves me no day whatsoever during working week, a fact that annoys me and tires me immensely. So I wait for winter solstice to bring an end to my suffering - being the longest night, shortest day of the year - it psychologically sets my mind from "shrinking daytime" into "expanding daytime" mindframe. And I love it.

I took this lousy photo of wonderful sunset over Šestine-Lukšić pass above Zagreb on 22.12.2011. and it already felt like life is returning to my daily routine.

Also I had more FO this week:

I made simple stripped sweater for my offspringess.

This is top-down raglan sweater, made on 3mm needles (bamboo 20'' circulars for body and dpns for sleeves - eBay I loooove you! :-)) using Jelka yarn leftovers. I wanted to use up some lost bits and skeins to make sweater for Tea to play in - but it turned out so lovely she insists of wearing it to school also. I am pretty pleased.

So I will proceed with some gift-wrapping and we're all set for Jesus's birthday anniversary.

Hospital Orange

2011-12-19T08:18:00.000+01:00

I'm just coming to terms with handmade section of this year's Christmas gifts. Jewelry set for my mother done, two more small knits to go and I can continue with usual setup. I'm a bit impressed by myself this year - just one lingering WIP left! - I'm not sure if I was ever so well behaved.

I'll be driving my mother to hospital on Wednesday. Seems she has rheumatoid arthritis and she'll be hospitalized for ten days to confirm the diagnosis. I'm a bit worried but this will also be improvement on current situation of fear and lack of certainty.

More FO Gloves

2011-12-12T14:16:00.000+01:00

As this is one serious case of glovemaking dissease I'm going to rant a bit more about wondefulness of Ringwood Gloves and their versatility.

On the picture above the gloves on the left are original ringwood gloves - just as Rebecca Blair envisioned them - with moss stitch cuff panel and buttons and made in smallest size described in the pattern, using 3mm dpns and wool for 4 mm needles. They are super warm and they fit my hands beautifully and very snugly.

In the middle there are slightly altered Ringwoods - starting with 2x2 rib cuff (as that fits more tightly than buttoned cuff) and with shortened fingers - made without additional alterations, also using smallest size pattern but on 4mm dpns and with yarn for 4mm needles. They are beaultifuly light and I use them the most as I cannot bring myself to wear full gloves when driving so shortened fingers allow me more feel.

Third pair, right one in the picture above, uses 2x2 rib cuff, also smallest original ringwood patern size, but it is made on 2mm dpns using yarn which recommends 2,5-3mm needles. They are perfectly fitted for my 7 year old daughter's hands. They have been made in two days as I found out that practice makes so perfect when you're knitting your fourth* pair in bit over a month that one glove can be made in a Mythbusters rerun watching evening.

*Fourth pair (actually second one made) went to someone who had Santa's visit somewhat early this year. They were original ringwoods with moss stitch cuff, on 3mm dpns in yarn for 3mm needles and, as they had to be narrow but longer, for very slender hands, I adapted addition repeats for thumb gusset to every 6th instead of 4th row. They were very beautiful and they went to kind and beautiful hands who will treasure them as it is only appropriate for such wonderful gloves.

Dreaming

2011-12-11T09:55:00.001+01:00

Few days ago I dreamt of stroking a cock. Cock as in not the chicken kind but the human male copulation organ kind. It was beautifully pink and with purplish veins ringing with every heartbeat. It was warm and it shined and it sprang with life with every stroke I did and it smelled fresh and salty with a dark musk note.

It was an experience so overwhelmingly beautiful I woke up, aroused and heavily breathing, and I did not forget even the slightest bit of that experience picture. The smell, look, the touc... grasp of it.

I remember it being attached to a person but the person had no importance in that dream.

I paced the floor, drank some water, watched through the window and took above photo of beautiful winter sunrise.

The beauty of the experience stayed with me, just below the surface, for this entire week. Everything I did, everyone I talked to, everything I enjoyed in was tinted more pleasurable with this beautiful picture.

I almost wish there was a jeweler like this one to celebrate this experience.

Homemade Wreath

2011-12-08T22:57:00.001+01:00

It is eerie sometimes to see how similar tastes my offspringess and I have; we endeavored to make a yarn wreath for our door (following this great tutorial) and without any negotiations we decided to make decorations more geometrical and less flowery. We have omitted only gluing decorations on and instead fastened them on with pins - so we can change them next year without destroying "clothed" polystyrene ring.

I love how it turned out.

Mistletoe

2011-12-05T15:37:00.001+01:00

One of my friends is just going through nauseating breakup.

Dating while being over 30 is awkward business, having kid and dating is ordeal without real comparison - and that is only when things go well. If they're not going well...

She told me what is happening; not the whole deal - just bits and pieces, as us shy ones usually do - and my blood boiled from fury. I sat there, listening, just breathing, while sounds of blood gusts from my heart rang in my ears like traffic-jam noise, while she put out self-doubt after self-doubt, justification for him after justification for him.

And then I started replying - at first slowly and trying my best to use Socratic method and not to yell, but it did not really go well as I was ingulfed in desire to go out and break his knee-caps. She was startled but at the same time freed of constant societal pressure to act as a lowly female and it felt as my anger and my assuredness was healing some desperate wound in her, filling up a void of uncertainty and doubt. Later on we met some people, we laughed loud and were jovial and relaxed and I felt our hearts reach out and hug. Like they would if we were war veterans - roles that would be more easily socially accepted having post-traumatic stress syndrome then our current ones - being single parents dating. And I went home and kept quiet.

Later on, I started talking about this, verbalising stuff I've just let sit a day or two, and monstruos words came out. Words celebrating disconnectedness and fear. I was appalled by myself and just sat there with tears rolling down my cheeks.

So I went out yesterday morning, to walk and to socialize without speaking, went to Samobor and as we went by Vugrinščak pools there were those high trees from the photo above covered in mistletoe shrubs.

Mistletoe: "to be kissed under it" plant.

And it is holliday season.

Against better judgement we will all succumb to hope.

It Arrived!!!

2011-11-30T12:41:00.001+01:00

Some three weeks ago, while I was rummaging through Kate Davies blog Needled I came across a reference of a book which was linked to online book seller page - The Book Depository that has free delivery worldwide (including Croatia!!!) so I preordered myself a gift.

The book - Mary Jane Mucklestone's 200 Fair Isle Motifs - already arrived!

I can already see that this was one wise purchase and that this book will see a lot of use. Apart from wonderful photos and easily readable patterns it has bunch of other tips, tricks and various interesting stuff (oOoo there are 11 diferent undyed wool colors "produced" by Shetland sheep!) and it is all so well organized my meticulous mind is overwhelmed with joy.

Kimiko - From Our Room To Yours - album promotion

2011-11-26T09:41:00.001+01:00

I've listened to Kimiko live once before - preceding great Notwist show in 2008 and I remember them being fun but not much else so when I came across Andrija Škare's review of Kimiko's new album "From Our Room To Yours" I was a bit stupefied...

They're what?! Can this be true?

... and I have immediately gone and bought digital copy of the album.

It is worth every penny and more.

Third day after the official release there was album promotion party and this is where I've been last night.

It was one great promotion party! On entrance, we were welcomed by lovely angel and demon hostesses who served us some champagne and then ushered us into Their Room (note the album title). Mocvara was set up with cozy sitting areas with small table lights and tables filled with cups and thermoses with tea with rum.

Whole area was warm and aromatic and relaxing as it can get, lighted with red and green spotlights.

And slowly the show started.

First up there was Felon, beat singer-songwriter with artsy lyricised songs and nervous disposition. There is unquestionably some wild beauty in both his word and music (and more so in his appearance!) yet he just isn't my cup of tea, even with some rum in it.

Kimiko show started wonderfuly - brilliant, generous, love and friendship filled, vibrant with effects, life, guest assistance - and progressed famously fulfilling high expectations. They played and talked, called for guests and tea and spread their happiness around. It was utterly pleasing to see to which lengths they have gone to make beautiful show for us and for themselves. There was Lana the cellist, there was Lydia "who really can sing", there was Felon Denis, there were Le Zbor - and they were all wonderful, like ornaments on Kimiko celebration cake...

... and then there was Mad Scientist and then they were over with playing - and there was real CAKE (beautiful, fondant covered Kimiko cake).

Congratulations guys, I wish you many more parties like this one!

Krum Bums at Attack! 23Nov2011

2011-11-25T18:27:00.001+01:00

Going to a punk gig the night before two-day business trip of course has its benefits, yet it also fills me with ominous sense of being behind on some concert reviews - so I'm up and on to rectify this immediately.

There was Krum Bums concert at Attack! in Zagreb on Wednesday night, 23rd November 2011.

My most noticeable ailment being nosiness I came early to watch the crowd gather and musicians adjust and prepare. I found it lovely how there is always something cute to look at and interesting stuff to admire and also food for thought to tuck away for slow digestion later.

The task of being local support went to Passive Aggressive, fun and surprisingly well-sounding hardcore punk band who performed with new drummer - and I could have sworn that their new drummer is, in fact, Black Gust guitarist. It could be that I'm developing some weird recurring motif illness but it seems to me Black Gust have somehow inexplicably found a way to infiltrate my every punk-gig-post so far. In either way - Passive Aggressive were pretty good - their sound firm and assertive, frontman cute and confident and when they finished their set I could honestly say I could have listened to them more.

As for Krum Bums I was both honored and humbled by their act and I feel I should digress a bit to describe the situation: they seem like a big and important enough band, who gets good reviews and has enough (even new) material to be interesting to Zagreb audience yet Zagreb audience chose to sleep in on this November Wednesday. And that is sad and humbling because I almost felt ashamed with our low turnout and tepid reception - especially because Krum Bums kicked ass!!! It felt as if they were shaken by fact that there were around 40-ish people in the audience but after initial dragging of feet they played for 40 of us like they would for a thousand. And it felt good and their music sounded great and I enjoyed their act and a sense of professionalism it was fueled by.

And it is a really nice professionalism as you can see in this great video for song Gasoline from their new album Cut the Noose:

Also, you can check out this clip - for S.O.S. from American Streetpunk and Oi! (the movie):

Hoero Zabimaru!

2011-11-21T16:48:00.001+01:00

Let me introduce you to Renji Abarai doll, my daughter's new best toy friend and my own pride and joy (look, it has removable shihakusho!).

As we're both avid Bleach fans some Bleach inspired fashion and aspiration for making Bleach inspired artifacts could not be avoided. It took quite a bit of planning and tinkering with design issues but in the end I knitted cute 4 inch high doll like the one Szayel Aporro Granz made with his resurrection Fornicaras before shamefully losing to Mayuri Kurotsuchi who delivered legendary and wonderful perfection speech on that occasion.

We're both quite pleased with latest results; the only thing Aka Pine is missing on this photo is Zabimaru - something that will be mended shortly.

Paramount Styles at Tvornica 18Nov2011

2011-11-19T01:09:00.001+01:00

... Intertwining of concepts...

Lately I had some heated arguments on value/usefulness/practical use of experience. As I am a psychologist that is somewhat of "my turf" and I could win those easily - yet mere cost of winning them could also easily be more than one is willing to pay so one has to tread carefully.

But here... here I can relax.

I went to Paramount Styles concert at Tvornica tonight.

It was an experience so wonderful and - surprisingly! - so easily comparable I am going to tell you about it before I even go to sleep.

Concept one:

You know that feeling when you are freshly in love and you go to sleep in your lover's bed and you are so content, so silently pleased and secure and happy you fall asleep instantly and then immeasurable amount of time passes by and you feel your lover waking you up, wanting you, and it is still dark, still night, and you're filled with desire.

Concept two:

There's a feeling - maybe once in hundred attempts, maybe once in a thousand - when having sex you feel orgasm coming as if from far, far away, like a distant thunder across the plain, and you wait for it and then realize you're already "in the zone" and have topped your best expectation and then, like a tremendous whitewater wave orgasm comes and washes over you - making you ever so alive, from fingers to toes, crescending in unison with the world...

...and the night and that personal happiness universe just lasts forever, never losing its force.

That is what this concert was like.

Sound was just perfect. From first minute Paramount Styles started to play the sound was exceptionally adjusted and crystal clear, Scott McCloud's voice atmospheric and sensual, in control, velvety, at the same time commanding and yearning. They gave everything and then more; From Race You Till Tomorrow through Come to Where You Are, from Amsterdam Again, The Crazy Years, Keep losing You to Paradise Happens - to name just a few of my favorites - it was brilliant performance, vivifying and lustrous.

...and the night and that personal happiness universe just lasts forever,

forever,

forever,

forever...

never losing its force.

In for Lunch

2011-11-17T07:53:00.001+01:00

There is so much going on these days (again) that I'm constantly haunted by thought I'm forgetting something. But exceptions must be made and indulgences must be provided lest we pressure ourselves into survival without living. With that in mind I had this lunch on Saturday:

This is my favorite lunch - homemade pizza (one sliced half shown here) with third-maize dough, with cooked ham, Podravec cheese, bacon and egg accompanied with tear-provokingly hot pickled pepperoncini and some pitted olives (and frosted lager, of course). I had this on Saturday while rummaging through my mind in search of appropriate words to be put on congratulation card for my best-friend's wedding.

There was also some frantic knitting going on.

Lacy legwarmers for my offspringess.

They are finished already but they were dashed out in such speed I only remembered to take one photo during whole process. I am very pleased how they turned out - they were made on 4 mm dpns and they keep shape and are also stretchy enough so she can wear them over her boots or on top of shoes. They actually came out when I started knitting Rebecca Blair's Oyster Mittens and I noticed I'd like the cuffs to become legwarmers instead of hand warmers. For next attempt at beautiful oyster mittens I think I'll go with thinner yarn and No.3 needles.

Just Thought to Show You - FO: Pile of Greenish Woolen Gloves

2011-11-15T16:42:00.001+01:00

As I have already mentioned I had some lovely wool left over after finishing my Ringwood Gloves so I made one more pair of Garter Stitch Mitts - and now I have this wonderful pile of handware just before minus centigrade temperatures arrived.

This is going to be one warm winter for my hands and also these will most certainly be my go-to patterns for swiftly approaching gift season .

Autistic Youth at Attack! AKC Medika

2011-11-14T08:01:00.001+01:00

Some two months ago, exactly when I concluded that I'm too old for this shit, my internet friend sent me last.fm invite for Autistic Youth and Defect Defect gig at Attack! and I immediately included it into consideration as a helpful tool in my crusade against my evil ways.

Last night it proved to be wise and well recommended choice.

This gig was a real adventure for me; this is my first time to watch anyone in Attack! and on top of that my interest was very much fueled with Pavlov's recent article with some inconspicuous details about trouble in squatter-y free-culture haven. So I came early and poked my psycho-socially interested nose into all nooks and crannies, wore awkward wide-eyed grin and asked funny questions. I managed to nearly insult few of the natives but I was - all in all - very happy with things seen; there are many honest, endearing and good people there - people troubled with us-and-them, people generaly kind albeit naive. People who will grow up to be kind and honorous - and I liked that.

The gig itself was funny and great, but let me stray a bit more from instant immersion.

There was another punk performance a month ago and it held a prophetic story: on Rikk Agnew gig at KSET while Black Gust were playing one guitar wire pinged into non-existence and that caused a bit of a commotion and a funny verbal altercation between band members which ended with the singer slaping one on the bewildered guitarist saying: "Why the fuck do you need to change wires - are we a punk band or not?!" (while grandpa Rikk was snickering his ass off). Last night, while Black Gust were happily prancing in the front rows, guitare wires were breaking right and left - I never seen a gig so beset with technical difficulties. Both Defect Defect and Autistic Youth had trouble with wires, sound adjustment, microphonic squealing.

But they managed to overcome it all.

It was a gig blotched with technical oddments but energetic and fun neverthelles. Defect Defect were valiant in their effort to overcome adversity - so valiant that there were moments I genuinely felt moved with their candor and forgave them everything instantly. Autistic Youth were a little less troubled with technics and their sound is quite a bit more "professional" and evolved and I loved their set to bits. They played and exchanged places and have shown they thave skills and then some and they were as good showmen as they were musicians. I danced and jumped and hopped and shook my head and squirmed like an epileptic eel and I enjoyed it immensly. I was filled up with energy and enthralled with joie de vivre and high on serotonin from all that activity.

And after it ended I scuttled away through hoarfrost covered streets and into my car and I was home 14 minutes later as all the traffic lights were green on my 11 km drive.

FO: Ringwood Gloves

2011-11-12T08:50:00.001+01:00

I've finished these beauties on Wednesday. They were sheer pleasure to knit and I enjoyed it immensely. Also, I have some leftover yarn which I have already paired up with one other lovely leftover to make one more pair of Garter Stitch Mitts. To think that I have bought this yarn for 2.85 $ and free shipping and now I have all these lovely accessories!

Week has been tiresome and beautifully rewarding at the same time; all my efforts to get some processes underway have finally came to fruition and more foundations have been set to build future endeavors upon. I love it :-)

Tonight I'll be celebrating my best friend's wedding - she got hitched yesterday - and today we're gonna eat and drink and dance and party and wish this marriage will be all she wants it to be and more. I feel I should have said "all they want it to be..." but in all honesty I cannot bring myself even to think it. There are so much variables one of them being my overabundance of experience in that department and because of that I can and want to say it as it is - I want her to be happy, because she is my friend and I know her a long time and I know she richly deserves to be dipped in and showered with happiness. I wish he will be the person to get this show on the road and keep it there a long, long time.

Ringwood Gloves

2011-11-07T13:13:00.001+01:00

I'm making an effort to track my knitting progress using Ravelry. I'm not very apt/good at it because I usually improvise patterns and knit without plan so this is an experiment to get some preliminary statistics.

Yesterday I started Ringwood gloves and this morning I'd say I'm half-way done. Pattern is straightforward and beautifully written and I really enjoy knitting them. Also, as it happens I had some 4-ply wool lying around as I ordered it from ebay some time ago to see how it would look like and since it is just one big skein I didn't really know what to do with it once it arrived - so this is a great solution. I see already that these will be super-toasty and beautiful.

I also started watching Wolf's Rain while knitting them and I'm loving it. I discerned Yagami Light* as soon as he spoke :-)

* seiyu Miyano Mamoru is voice talent behind both Kiba and Raito-kun

Filigrain Mushrooms

2011-11-06T00:08:00.000+01:00

For a walk

2011-10-30T13:51:00.000+01:00

Morning came with the sun.

We went for a walk, my friend and I, and nature was sonorous and serene. Air smelled of dry grass and fallen leaves ruffled under our feet.

Black Walnut

2011-10-29T15:24:00.001+02:00

It has been long and tiring week.

On Wednesday morning, as I drove to work, I was haunted by the notion that there is no person that I have trusted at some point who had not betrayed my trust, often in some blatantly public and extremely unpleasant way.

And then - I had a car crash.

It was raining and I was driving downhill and there was one black Clio coming out of the park-drive and I tried to stop and Fabia behind me tried to stop also - but failed. As the car behind me crashed into my Twingo I remember watching through rear view mirror and seeing big cloud of hair and I felt my right hand clutching steering wheel and my wrist exploding in a searing pain.

I got out of the car and told the very beautiful girl driver; "It hurt like a motherfucker!"

We moved our cars a bit so traffic could continue and then filled out traffic-accident forms, exchanged phone numbers and left for work.

Sadly, my car was really inconveniently damaged and I think this will be one very expensive repair. Also this had made ten more problems - all of the wrath-kindling kind - but beautiful girl driver proved so far to be wonderful and mild-tempered creature, with magical smile and persuasively apologetic of this whole incident - so much so that she restored my faith in myself and trust.

I am not guilty for people betraying my trust. People do sometimes betray trust of others and that could be preempted with not trusting them. But if I'm not trusting anyone - I'm not communicating with anyone. They do not reach my "soft center" and I do not reach their.

That alone makes us dislodged from humanity.

So I'll take my chances trusting people, still.

* * *

The photo above I took on my business trip on Friday at Varazdin General Hospital. My colleague was driving and we got there and I was tired because I didn't sleep much and angry because of some other crap my ex-spouse is serving me with and tired of all this and in Varazdin sun was shining and it smelled of autumn and coffee and pastries and we bought some coffee and pastries and ate them on third story balcony surrounded with these fake walnuts. When I got home I searched web a bit and they seem like Juglans Nigra to me.

And now it is Saturday and I made myself wonderful hot chilies toast sandwich lunch and I enjoyed it with a cold beer and Future Islands music and all is well.

World is properly aligned again and my heart is at ease.

I will trust again.

FO: Yellow Garter Stitch Set

2011-10-25T22:00:00.001+02:00

I've been knitting like mad last few days because keeping busy helps me think and also if I do not think of anything worthwhile I have something else to show for my time. So during my mad-knitting-marathon I (among other things) made this yellow garter stitch set in the picture above.

This already belongs to my offspringess who chose the yarn.

It was one skein of (I fear long discontinued) "filati cervinia caprice plus" in lemon-yellow (50g 133m/146 yds) and it became one set of Ysolda's Garter Stitch Mitts and small garter stitch scarf (3 mm needles, 20 stitches across).

Scorpios at Mocvara 22Oct2011

2011-10-24T15:01:00.003+02:00

As you can see by photo quality above - we're in another league altogether today.

I confess: I do not remember when was the last time I forgot my mobile (which is my most loved possession, also being my camera, computer, internet window and reminder) at home when leaving for anywhere, much less concert night, but this time I was in luck because my lovely friend E saved me with some really good photos. Also, this streak of relaxation and absence of neurotic need for control was kind of landmark for the evening - a kind of laissez faire flag - that was planted in this evening like it would be in a seized mountain peak.

I liked the gig.

It was a peculiar, unconstricted performance, oddly reminiscent of less fervent times. There was good music, there was friendship, there was cheap liquor, there was most beautiful well groomed redhead in the audience.

Arrangements were different. My friend said: "This is so funny. People used to hear this songs played as punk/rock songs and what they got was singing around a campfire." but it was a beautiful campfire singalong! I liked how they moved around a lot, went backstage and back onstage again, how they were all different - and scorpios! to add - but they shined agreeableness, friendship and pure joy of performing for us. They played a bit each and they talked and were funny and nice. I liked Snodgrasses' parts the most (he has beautiful, beautiful voice that sends shivers down my musical spine) but it was all very inspiring and I felt motivated to research and to listen to more of their music.

In addition, all this was instrumental for me to make myself proud of myself again.

It has been years since the last time I introduced myself to anyone I'm interested in or admire. I mean... I meet people every day, I work with people and no adversary makes me cringe... but it has literally been years since I introduced myself to anyone I admire. I just tagged along people who do it and enjoyed vicariously in the experience.

But this gig helped me re-attach my broken old self.

And I also met someone I admire.

View from the coal mine

2011-10-20T19:46:00.000+02:00

It was raining beautifully when we woke up for school and work. Sky was dark, morning was nowhere to be seen.

With dissapointed yelps we got up and went on with our day.

It seems my offspringess likes school. It has been a month already and she talks what they did and how they socialize with fondness and confidence. My fears are melting like dry ice.

Workday was nauseatingly stressful but I loved it. I love when there's no idling time away. I love how I reorganized stuff. I love ease that new organization brings. Then I have time to gaze through my cellar window.

To enjoy my view from the coal mine :grin:

Table Tennis

2011-10-19T10:32:00.001+02:00

The sunrise was so wonderful this morning I had to try to capture some while driving to work through Gornje Vrapce. Road was empty and there were fog-feathers stuck in between houses and hills.

Last night I watched Ping Pong (2002.) and I loved it. I loved the nonchalance the actors brought into performance, I loved the cinematics and fun camera work and I absolutely loved how the complex story of rekindling and rediscovering one's dreams was told in a few well chosen details.

The things that direct our paths are so inconspicuous.

As I worked out, before going to bed, I thought about how it was a really good thing for me to break elbow last year. I never could do push-ups worth mentioning and now if I encountered someone who'd say: "Drop down and give me 20!" I could do just that.

And more.

Catholic Spray at Spunk 15Oct2011

2011-10-16T10:22:00.001+02:00

Last night I went to see punk/rock gig at Spunk.

On Last.fm event page there was an interesting poster and a short blurb announcing the performance of some young Parisians and Zagreb/Sendai kamikaze The Welcomin' Committee in Flames and that alone piqued my interest. And although it could be argued that this attains to my recent proclivity to check out all things Japanese - even when things clearly mean people - this was not the case. Word on WCIF's energetic performance and fun showmanship caught up with me long before now. Only thing left to do was to go and check for myself were the commenters rather generous on account of friendship and units of alcohol ingested and it turned out this was not the case.

The Welcomin' Committee in Flames most definitely delivered as expected and then some as they managed to, against all odds, sound and look great while performing in mere five square feet of smoke filled space. They were fun to watch, in good spirits, visually show-oriented, sexy. Their music still got across as firm, aggressive, dance and anthemic stuff of legend even though in far from perfect acoustic conditions. It was a pleasure to be there and I was very content with this gig as time well spent even before "main attraction" got to the stage.

And it was good that I was already so pleased...

... because main attraction sucked to high heavens.

As it turned out, Catholic Spray sport no more than beautifully ingenious name. Although they look as if they're making music and prowl the stage fairly confidently they sound like a bloody mess; unclean, withheld, noisy and broken. The horrible shrieking was too much for me so I left a bit of abruptly but driving home I decided to give them another go on account of discrepancy sometimes found in judging someone's music from live against recorded performance. I listened to their stuff two times more on last.fm and on myspace and they sound as bad here as they sounded live. I can imagine other people having taste for music like this but I could not stomach it, even as there was no effort spared on my part.

Slice of Saturday

2011-10-15T14:05:00.000+02:00

Floral forest in the picture above is our very own Jerusalem artichoke patch in our garden. They're almost ready to be unearthed and harvested but they look so lovely in bloom so we're leaving them a bit more to stand guard.

Autumn came without frost. Air is crisp and sun most beautifully yellow, making remaining green alive and crystalline.

It is beyond pleasure to knit beside remaining heliathuses in a garden warmed by the sun .

Kiwi

2011-10-12T13:37:00.001+02:00

I know I have crossed the border between tired and exhausted because I fall asleep in the middle of doing something in the evening and I wake up right at the moment when clock rings in the morning dragging my feet out of sticky-swamp-dream-mud.

Work-people are making me mad and innablity to implement positive changes is making me madder still.

But there are moments of pure joy in my day also.

Like these here kiwis I photographed in my neighbor's yard. I never knew they look so beautiful still attached to mother-plant.

Rikk Agnew at KSET 04Oct2011

2011-10-06T12:38:00.003+02:00

There was a moment about a month ago when I realised I watch far too many indie gigs and that resolute action is needed to re-direct myself to better music homeostasis.One of attempts to mend my ways was going to see Rikk Agnew play at KSET and it was invigorating remedial fit.

Black Gust was just starting to play when I arrived. As this was my first time to see them play and there is little to none information on them available on the net I left myself some space to be surprised but sadly, it didn't really help. Allthough there was some raw power in the decibels they were far too much screamo for my taste. Lead singer has weird mannirisms singing - keeping his eyes closed all the time and making awkward gestures with his tongue - I was under more impression of what I saw then of what I heard but that seemed all right because from all that unintelligible screaming it seemed he just sings same words over and over on top of different music. Combined image of that performance and of strangely hick female posse afterward did not leave very good impression but I wish them luck as I definitely see interested clientelle in their future.

After a loooong break and sound check Rikk Agnew and his babies arived and it was as fun to watch as it was to listen. Toothless grandpa (as he stressed out during more then a few age-related jokes) has gathered musicians from all around the globe and he seemed happy to have them with just as they seemed to love his quirkiness. It was pure magic seeing them play and seeing the crowd respond - it felt like a gathering of comrades in arms more than a concert and I loved being there, mumbling away the lyrics and watching out for signs of too close mosh movements.

It ended with just one more song AFTER we were warned of curfew and I scuttled away into the night happily and with batteries filled for yet another stress filled day.

Doctor Attire

2011-10-04T19:54:00.001+02:00

My dear friend had birthday last week and I made her this set in the picture.

It comes with a funny story;

We work together and see each other almost every day but we're both struggling to keep our relationship both personal and business - trying to keep the distance needed to get things done and closeness to overcome mere acquaintance stage. As hours are long but time is short we don't really get to share much of personal information.

Incidentally, few days ago we chatted a bit and somehow we got to the topic of birthdays - and she said hers is one week from then and I remembered that I already know what would I like to give her as a birthday present. She is a doctor and I usually see her in white uniform. About two months ago she was on rounds and I saw her in purple uniform shirt - she looked so lovely and it suited her so well I was really struck with that image and when she said her birthday is close I immediately decided to make her a jewelry set connecting those two images - her in white and in purple and general feel of cute relaxed confidence.

And it all got out as this set; unique hand-made fimo beads, some glass beads and some golden jewelry pins, rings and clasps.

She loved the present but there is one more bit to this story.

Later I worked in another room and her colleague came to me and said "Oh, I saw that set you made for T. It is great but how did you know purple was her favorite color?"

Attack of the tropical snake

2011-10-03T11:15:00.001+02:00

Yesterday I made green crocheted beed necklace on the photo. I love how glass beeds keep very attractive color, vibrant with life - making items made from them look so alive that this necklace seems just like a tropical snake.

Handsome Furs at Tvornica 30Sep2011

2011-10-01T19:12:00.000+02:00

Last night it was my third time to watch Handsome Furs.

I went to see them at Teatar &TD in 2008.

I have also watched them play at KSET in 2009.

They warm my heart and align the world to be better, friendlier and love-filled place.

There is a shout on the event page on last.fm (in Croatian) saying something like: "this attractive furries like us very much, it would seem :-)" and it would seem that they really, really do - and we love them back just as much.

Yesterday there were so many people at Tvornica Furs were frenzied with joy - almost so overwhelmed with happiness they shared half as much stories between songs (from what they usually do) with us but they were magnificent nevertheless. It is a celebration of love and of work well spent and of passion and of life to be with them there, for a brief moment forgetting the toil of everyday existence and being filled up with positive vibrations, with beauty of music and success of people who show - from performance to performance - that they richly deserve all the success they can get.

Been Obscene at KSET 29Sep2011

2011-09-30T18:22:00.000+02:00

Last night I saw the best live performance in my life so far.

So there you have it, I said it and I can now continue with description which will not surmount the experience itself or even give it justice, no matter how much I tried. Head on - here we go!

I got to KSET waaaay too early and I had a chance to soak in the atmosphere and watch how the audience slowly gathered for the event. Sitting there, listening to music play before the act I thought about how this, now, is a place where I could take my father out with me. He used to enjoy music like this before conformity irreversibly fucked him up. Maybe there is something that could snap him out of it - and that if such thing existed at all - it is possible that it would be music like this.

To put an end to my woolgathering She Loves Pablo started to play. Zagreb own, they have from the very start shown they can rock. Energetic and wonderfully adjusted, relaxed and funny they went through their set confidently, powerfully, beautifully - nothing was missing and everything was in its place. The audience seemed overflowing with their faithful fandom and that had given wings to their act even more. I was especially impressed with their second guitarist who in addition played keyboards, extra percussion and participated vocally in the act.

As they were playing I remember thinking how this the first concert I attended that hadn't had opening act suffer the toll of everything being set up and sound adjusted for main attraction - and then they finished their set and started gathering their things and, what do you know, all the stuff and instruments I thought set for the B.O. were taken off stage.

After short pause for more gathering and adjusting Been Obscene started to play - and it was an experience so beautiful and all-encompassing it send shivers down my spine. As they are promoting their new album Night O'Mine I expected they will play more of their new material but they have played many songs form The Magic Table Dance and I loved it to tears.

Driving home I saw Zagreb sleeping and birch leaves on Vukovarska fluttering in the breeze. My ears were buzzing from loudness and my body tingled with joy.

Off the cliff

2011-09-28T17:29:00.003+02:00

I watched Drive last night.

It has been brought to my attention that it could be good movie and that it had good soundtrack.

Both of these characterizations are understatements.

During opening minutes of the movie it becomes absolutely clear that soundtrack here will be both actor and narration tool for quicker immersion into engrossing atmosphere of barely verbal interactions.

When we enter the story cards have already been dealt.

There is no way to go but down...

... but the lingering smell of hope is just too sweet to resist.

And things go as we expect them to go, reassuringly lulling us through characters' trip down the path of obvious and not so obvious destruction. We see here, among our group, presented in all simplicity all the mechanisms through which lives are disintegrated. And the mechanisms are not awkward, unusual, violent or malevolent. They're all logical, everyday, unobtrusive actions that we all know and use, every day, through our day. And it is painfully obvious that there is no comfort in post-dictive smartassedness; "Where they have zigged they should have zagged."

I have caught my mind remember and re-live similar experiences in many time points in the movie.

Promise. Love. Hope. Passive-aggression. Active-aggression. Rage.

One can, and very often one does survive through experiences like that. And some of that experience remains available in us...

...but most of it doesn't.

We could not take it.

And for that it is so overwhelmingly beautiful to have a movie like this one, wrapped in a tight bundle like a canned despair, to remind us - the surviving us - that we are still alive.

Omoshiro da ne?

2011-09-27T15:37:00.004+02:00

I have been in two minds with this self-sufficiency.

It all started with listening Oko Yushima defend loneliness while trying to present it as self-sufficiency:

"Loneliness is not a sin, no matter what the circumstances, I don't need help from others. Other people only get in the way. To help is mere pity. It is jealousy towards the strong. An insult to a noble spirit. To be alone is to be the only one. The privilege of a superior soul."

Truth be told, his words albeit well thought-out sound bitter and hollow.

Nietzsche said:

"The golden fleece of self-sufficiency guards against cudgel- blows but not against pin-pricks."

Interesting, isn't it?

What I am, in my heart of hearts, is a hunter. Not lone predator but a hunter* - no more and no less.

Yet I believe there is no personal gain that could justify putting one's self in front of others haphazardly, but... some things you cannot foresee.

It is a bit of a conundrum.

It is not that I do not want any company. Just that it is hard (try impossible) to find company that could last (in structural more than temporal kind of way) enough to outgrow "random encounter".

It's like I want a glass that would fit well in my hand, be heavy enough empty and light enough full, be shiny enough to make me smile and practical enough to be easily put out of danger - but to find that glass I have to break a truckload of not-good-enough glasses.

It kinda brings me down even as I know that "you can't make an omelet if you don't break some eggs".

It could be argued that I could shorten my list of prerequisites for that glass but that is my short list already, and I'm really making an effort to be reasonable. And I'm modelling requirements on my abilities.

Maybe that is where I err.

*predator preys on the weak, hunter subdues strong

Work In Progress - Variegated T-Sweater

2011-09-25T23:52:00.000+02:00

I am just finishing this hmmm... vest.

It is not really variegated as the yarn is not variegated but rather it is made with two strands of yarn held together to achieve this mixed structure. Also it is lovely fitted to allow for curves to be accentuated and that everything fits right where it is supposed to fit.

Now just to have a day cold enough for premiere wearing. I think I'll take some more photos of it propped on a model as this promises to be my best fitted garment so far.

Sunrise in Opatija

2011-09-24T15:05:00.000+02:00

I spent last two days on hectic business trip in Opatija. There was much to do and even more to learn, oppinions to be traded and smiles to be dispensed - and it all went well and heartwarmingly pleasing. And the mornings, they were all mine; wonderful sunrises, sea breeze, sound of waves breaking on the rocky seashore, smell of mediterranian herbs. And I remembered to take this picture for you: Opatija bathing in the glow of sunrise mirrored from the sea.

Nakama-tachi

2011-09-22T09:06:00.000+02:00

Morning has drawn fog across Zagreb. Stage is set, curtain is here - the show can start now.

I watched Bleach 340 last night. It always amazes me how much of societal critique and life coaching can fit into something as inconspicuous as anime. I deeply approve of this. Where else can you see in mere 20 minutes most important life concepts explained in detail and shown in practice - stripped to their components and shown as full-blooded functioning cogs in the machinery of meaning of life?

What is the meaning of frendship? What are its precursors? Its purpose?

There is no better way to embrace those answers than to take a peek into Kubo-sama's brain.

In the photo above - the clogs I got from a friend on my old job. We talked in night-shift about movie Grease and how I loved Olivia Newton-John's shoes and how it is impossible to find shoes like that and tomorrow night she showed up at work with these clogs. They are just like the ones I liked in the movie, only movie-version were red and these are ocher - and she had had them for fifteen years. I was so moved I cried and took the shoes and promised to take good care of them.

I have them over fifteen years now. They are in perfect shape still.

Threesome at Tvornica 17Sep2011

2011-09-18T11:53:00.004+02:00

I went to see Threesome perform in Tvornica last night.

I first listened to them play on Stross Summer Festival last year with Radost! and I liked their sound and energy. Seeing them play last night I can only say that they have unquestionably progressed in dynamism of their sound even more and that their sound is positively enthralling.

Yesterday they have been supported by Pistolrays from Zagreb who were surprisingly good and well rehearsed but sadly, they managed to loosen up a bit just only at the end of their act. I suppose more experience playing in front of an audience will surely harmonize and brush-up their performance what will be welcome improvement because the really deserve the attention.

The Threesome themselves were wonderful; in good spirits, young, good looking, fun and explosively energetic - they owned the crowd from the very start of their act. And it was an act sweetly evocative of 1994. movie Threesome. You see, Threesome are a band consisting of girl on drums and two guys on guitar and bass. They start their performance confidently but cautiously, with girl being clearly most relaxed and confident-looking. Guys slowly tag along - going through set-list like actors through movie, getting more and more convincing and forceful in their act - from awkwardness and caution through acceptance, persuasiveness and growing confidence through experimentation to confident mastery.

Lovely and fulfilling experience. Threesome at its best.

True Blues

2011-09-14T17:17:00.004+02:00

As it happens, my psychological world is essentially comprised of recurring motif cycles which bring me both serenity and discord.

I've been watching Life again.

I've been listening to Gomez.

I found this interesting article on Psyblog on succumbing to the incessant need to be involved in something.

From my experience so far - it is always easier to crave „absorption fix“ in adjustment-to-new-circumstance times. Its immersion is pleasurable in the short-run, highly motivational, quickly rewarding, endorphinously intoxicating.

Yesterday evening I made this bracelet and earrings set from matching glass beads. I waited for the first morning light to take some pictures because I still don't have good diffuse light source for taking pictures indoors or in poor light conditions. I am wearing the set now and I'm being noticed.

I love how applied psychology works.

See The World

2011-09-13T12:20:00.001+02:00

As I drive to work there is magnificent yellow sun low on the horizon blinding me with its allure, touching with its light-lance darkest pits of my soul, appeasing the monsters and feeding them beauty.

Flax bushes stand tall just below the sharp turn before I emerge into Mikulici. So beautifully blue, awkwardly inappropriate.

Almost autumn.

There is an itch under my skin, thirst that commands, heart that complies.

Pink-black bracelet in the making

2011-09-12T15:43:00.001+02:00

Yesterday morning I made this lovely bracelet for myself. It was a kind of experiment really, because I was not entirely sure how this would look like finished so I waited until I got some leftovers from other projects to give it a go. And this time I remembered to snap some pictures for you. What you see in the picture above is large spool of cotton thread with small alternating pink and black beads which are then crocheted one by one into bracelet - kind of small rope with thread on the inside and beads on the outside. I love it how it turned out. It is hypnotizing and feminine at the same time and it goes with lots of different clothing styles.

Stitchmarker Invasion

2011-09-11T09:40:00.003+02:00

This weekend I am finishing some projects and beginning new ones. It has been very productive summer this year and I suspect productive autumn is afoot - so I made bunch of helpful tools to intensify the experience.

Paired sleeping

2011-09-08T20:47:00.000+02:00

People are usually very good in hiding things from themselves. That is not really surprising since those kind of deceptions are self-preservation in action in its most beautiful and convenient form. So it is far from unexpected for one to only realize one misses something after being confronted with it. And then it feels a lot like incessant flood of pokes into fresh laceration.

Until this weekend - one spent watching True Blood - I never realized how much I miss having good sleeping partner.

It has been so long since I had one.

Third of my life has flown by me since I had a good night sleep while being held or held anyone while sleeping. And I remember I used to be very good paired-sleeper.

I'm too old for this shit

2011-09-04T09:20:00.000+02:00

I wanted to go to 2-day music festival on Friday and Saturday (yesterday and the day before) when all hell broke loose. On Friday when I finally managed to get all of my engagements done we have had the first autumn storm this year and on Saturday I felt so heartbreakingly lonely I could not be trusted to go and socialize without it ending in go-to escapistic solution No.1.

Instead I spent all day and most of the night watching True Blood. Which, in itself, showed to be less than ideal solution as it very vividly showed all the things I've lost... I've had... And could easily have again... And miss. Dearly miss. And believe I should not crave nor strive to get... because I'm too old for this shit. I'm tired and cannot take it anymore. But it is all a lie. I'm not and I will and for a glimmer of hope I will let it all burn.

BlogDay 2011

2011-08-31T14:59:00.000+02:00

This year it seems that BlogDay had been eaten by oblivion. Even Blogday.org is sleeping un-updated.

I will not have it so here are my BlogDay 2011 recommendations:

Buntovnik Bez Akorda (http://www.buntovnikbezakorda.com/)

Brought to me by last.fm fickle information current this ridiculously clever person haunted by incessant injustice of the world with his caustic comments makes me laugh and cry at the same time. He writes in native Croatian.

Raptitude (http://www.raptitude.com/)

David writes about "Getting better at being human". Me being psychologist and also having abundant supply of bad experience causes that most of the research he writes about is already known but I don't mind. He is always well "spoken" (written actually :), deliberate, focused and, most importantly - optimistic. It may be that his outlook on human nature is a bit naive in its effort to see good in people but he is sweet and he makes me smile.

IDEAS IN FOOD (http://blog.ideasinfood.com/ideas_in_food/)

Food/science blog written by Aki Kamozawa & H. Alexander Talbot always full of beautiful photos and innovative and kooky ideas. If in need of fresh look on ingredients or cooking methods look no further: learn how to pair watermelon juice with bacon fat to produce hydrogenated watermelon-flavored cooking fat or how to add flavor to your dishes using flaked cured venison heart.

Miss Mags's I want to go to Faerie College (http://faeriecollege.wordpress.com/)

This is "A blog by a 20-something hockey goalie, former-dentistry-now-economics student, book-nut, knitter, seamstress, affectionate hugger, vegetarian, dedicated movie-goer, lover of cold weather, elected bake-star of this residence, who wants to move to Canada." She takes wonderful photos, knits studiously and produces exquisite garments, writes fluent and easily-identifiable-with descriptions of her thoughts. She is someone I'd like to meet.

Grilled Cheese Social (http://www.grilledcheesesocial.com/)

Brought to you by MacKenzie Smith this is a treasure trove for all (grilled cheese) sandwich lovers among us. Her recipes shine joie de vivre and fun and enjoyment, her photos cause my mouth water even right after a meal. Snack, dinner or dessert – you can find them all here.

Hard at work

2011-08-25T08:14:00.000+02:00

It has been exhausting few days of blistering heat, 37degrees celsius in the shade, nights devoid of any wind. Nevertheless, mornings are beautiful albeit hot, wonderfuly lighted by honey-yellow sun and opened by distant thunder of vacationer cars roaring through highway. My back is slowly healing. I work out in the evening slowly and carefully but steadfast in my decision to continue with this practice. I get up early every morning to witness sunrise and have some time before work to spend outside of after-vacation-madhouse.

S&G muffins

2011-08-21T10:11:00.000+02:00

As my painful back saga continues I woke up waaay too early again and decided to make myself useful by making some gourmet breakfast for the entire household. Lovely muffins pictured above are final result of this way of thinking. For muffin basis this time I used leavened dough with yeast, one that I would normally use for bread, buns or pizza crust. It was one third maize, two thirds plain white flour with linseed and sunflower seeds for extra earthiness. To once raised dough I added a bit of warm water to make it softer and salami and Gorgonzola bits. Immediately divided into muffin portions in my silicone baking 'tin' they were raised again for 15 minutes in warm oven and than baked for about 20 minutes at 200 Celsius with small pan of water in bottom of the oven to keep pastries moister. Puffed, golden and with wonderful cheese bubbling on top they were quickly devoured with homegrown vegetable salad and some fresh yogurt drink.

Hinode

2011-08-20T09:11:00.001+02:00

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I have somehow managed to hurt my back badly and the pain is so severe I wake up on the verge of tears. By now, being all grown up and having medical education, I know it will eventually heal, being minded with medication and rest, but pain always makes me more pensive. I watched Death Note finale last night and cannot but feel dissapointed in a way. Not in the show itself, but dissapointed in the way Light dissolved into nothingness after L's death. I loved how the writters made his nihilism/despair tangible. How it shows that no God can ascend above what's human. His eventual downfall evolved not from his godly resolve and his brillant intelect but from innate and ultimate sadness of human condition - loneliness.

New skill - felting

2011-08-19T12:53:00.001+02:00

Some time ago I ordered pompon maker set from e-bay as it seemed like a nice thing to have considering I can never find such things in local shops. So when that cute parcel greeted me on our return from the seaside vacation I had to try and make some pompons right away. Right after my offspringess witnessed the making of first pompon she immediately wished for a toy made of pompon and adorned with eyes, ears and nose - to make it seem dog or cat like. So we went to hobby-shop downtown to buy some eyes but they didn't have any. Faced with a prospect of dissapointed child I bought some felting supplies and endeavored to make some body parts on my own. And now we have this cute kitten to show to you and to play with.

Cupboard Organization

2011-08-12T13:45:00.000+02:00

We have just talked via phone.

And I know you know... and that you would prefer me screaming and explaining and losing my mind over fruitless argument...

But what you got is; "OK" and faked telephone smile folowed by; "Take care and we'll se you soon."

And you know if I yelled I'd discharge and take pleasure in winning the fight rather than winning the war.

And you know this way that what you've done - that thing we're NOT fighting over - is not getting dealt with and forgotten, it is just being stored in cupboard with other minuses and when the cupboard will be full - we will just be over.

Over.

This is how I deal with things and I'm not ashamed of it... anymore.

It could be argued that this is malevolent and vengeful strategy but it is neither.

Not forgetting does not equal not forgiving. It is just that "forgiving and forgetting" is a sign of a feeble mind, mind unable to learn from experience.

Some people fill cupboards slowly, some quickly. I myself acknowledge my cupboard-filling property as quite fast at times. But what describes me most accurately - not just in personal relations but work and life in general - is relentless effort to be as good as I can and to do it in the most personalised, continually monitored and adjustment-making way.

So, if I am continually directing conscious, willing effort into being the best for someone - it would be unjust and patronizing (or downright insulting) not to expect similar treatment back. It is not question of your ability, it is question of your willingness.

Holiday knit

2011-08-11T09:23:00.001+02:00

I've finished tiny version of my favourite tote for my offspringess and we went to the village to fill it with morning assortment of buns and bagels. She loves the colors and design and tells me that 'the most impotrant thing is that it can be so easily twirled around streched arm when empty'. Than I take buns out and make breakfast and she runs around twirling it :~)

Knitting space...

2011-08-08T17:17:00.001+02:00

... under an olive tree.

Bear's New Clothes

2011-08-02T22:57:00.001+02:00

Here is our resident bear sitting on yarn filled Living green tote in his new fuchsia-color boucle top. I got this yarn few months ago and have not managed to make anything from it since but I am hoping to persuade my offspringess to wish for and wear something made from it so I'm using bear clothes as example. This top was made using size 2,5 bamboo needles, all in one piece with just two side seams.

Ducks

2011-07-31T00:38:00.001+02:00

I took my car to service shop in the morning and when my offspringess and I left the shop leaving the car there for repairs we found out that there is a small creek jam-packed with ducks just around the corner. There were dosens of wild ducks there and it is just across the railway from one of busiest streets in town. We watched them for a while taking pictures and throwing breadcrumbs and they cautiously watched us from a distance. I liked their cautiousness as it definitely adds to the impression that they really are wild animals, not accustomed to feeding and presence of people. I'm always so shocked to see how many things, how many inaproppriate things people unjustifiably let be taken for granted and let get forgotten how things that started as clearly priviledges come to be taken for granted and considered earned and deserved.

Akai to kuro

2011-07-27T14:29:00.002+02:00

I have finished my Living green tote last night so I didn't have proper lighting for taking pictures. I fell asleep watching Mushishi and few hours later woke up from heated argument I led in Japanese just to find out my opponent and conversation partner was the DVD player still playing Mushishi episodes.
I have also finished some crocheted necklaces recently so here is one nice photo I managed to take.

Boris at Močvara 21Jul2011

2011-07-22T20:49:00.002+02:00

When I started learning Japanese I arranged my studies around things I love - manga, anime, music - in hopes to simplify stimuli accessibility by motivational added value and I am daily assured that it was a clairvoyant and highly pleasurable thing to do. One of the things found during my Japanese language quest is my fast evolving knowledge about Japanese music. One of the things I love the most and actually respect the most also is the fact that Japanese musicians do not let themselves be limited by genre and style - they all seem to strive toward technical mastery all the while using opening genre-transcending opportunities to better their knowledge. Boris also rises from this fine tradition and this was the shining light that led us through Boris concert at Močvara last night. They were wonderful and shining example of myriad of intertwined concepts;

they showed lightness in their playing that can only stem from confident mastery

they effortlessly traveled between styles while remaining true to their sound

they seemed to enjoy themselves all the while not forgetting that entertainment is their business

and

they gave full-blooded, lustrous performance simultaneously staying in the spirit of ordered minimalism.

I am pleased and I am impressed, both musically and experientially.

Windy day

2011-07-20T23:26:00.001+02:00

Today it was substantially cooler than usual 35 degrees centigrade we got used to this month but I loved the change because I got new, autumn shoes, I wanted to take for a ride. I tried them on before Amsterdam and did not buy them then, but I kept thinking about them so I finally bought them when I got back. Tomorrow I'm going to Boris concert at Mocvara. I have been waiting for that since they first announced it months ago. I feel like... tingly all inside.

Audit trail

2011-07-18T07:38:00.001+02:00

In a few moments I will be getting up and leaving for work but now I'm still savoring the morning. This week is supposed to be terribly stressful and over-packed but I am prepared and confident. So let's step into it...

Amsterdam

2011-07-17T00:02:00.000+02:00

This week I was on business trip in Amsterdam. I arrived Thursday in early afternoon and managed to take just one picture before it was raining too heavy to take pictures. Nevertheless, it was wonderful! This was my first time flying and I absolutely loved the experience and it got even better from there; I stayed in fabulous Renaissance hotel and ate magnificent food and I was surrounded by nicest people imaginable.

Tote for tat

2011-07-07T18:27:00.000+02:00

I've casted on LBY's Living Green Tote last night and it progresses famously. I worked a lot with cotton lately and I had to learn new way to hold live yarn line as all my previous work tended to align awkwardly left. I attributed funny alignment to the way I held cotton as it is spun differently than winter yarns.

Tinkering with design

2011-07-07T00:02:00.001+02:00

I'm trying to pair up some earrings with my new reddonoshin necklace. It is refreshing and exciting to have to think of every aspect of design upfront, before even starting it, without winging it as I go (as I usually go about).

Wine red no kokoro

2011-07-03T09:24:00.000+02:00

I'm just finishing this necklace. It is mainly inspired by Tamaki Koji's Wine red no kokoro that I utterly fell in love with first time I heard it. I am hurt and nostalgic and would appreciate more time to think and grieve but it seems I should make do with what I have.

Dog I live with

2011-07-02T13:45:00.000+02:00

His name is Casper. My brother bought him for his kids early this year but it is bumpy accommodation so far. On the other front the dog is silly and young and I am stern and impatient. But we get by :~)

New skill - beaded crocheting

2011-06-25T07:29:00.000+02:00

Sometimes we find knowledge and inspiration at the most unusual of places but nevertheless opportunities are not to be missed. I crocheted this lovely bracelet from some loose beads and 0.3 fish-line using No. 1 steel hook from this post here. It was pretty uncomfortable to crochet fish-line because it is very slippery and it almost cannot be done in the artificial light due to it being very transparent and shiny but end product is utterly wonderful. I'm looking forward to more projects like this.

Two color red shrug

2011-06-24T07:40:00.000+02:00

Small vacation is coming along quite nicely; we went swimming and sunbathing to Stubicke Toplice on Wednesday and Thursday and in the evening we busied ourselves with some crafts. I finished this shrug for myself (I have already made similar small one for my offspringess and she loves it) in an attempt of stash-busting and my daughter made some beaded bracelets.

Begonia Semperflorens

2011-06-20T21:11:00.001+02:00

Two-holiday week has started. I worked today and there's only tomorrow to go and then there will be field trips and seashore drives. I'm tired and angry and I hope small vacation will do me good. We shall see.

Back from lunch

2011-06-12T14:14:00.000+02:00

I took some time off blog-wise because there was so much going on.
Chronologically:

I bought wonderful vacuum cleaner. That is really a big deal it being the first household investment since I was turning my flat into a home after my wedding. As you already know that marriage ended since than both psychologically and legally and buying this vacuum-cleaner had put an end to that feeling of "life on standby"

Second big thing was finally getting my things from the apartment I shared with my ex-husband. It was a process containing three years of mediation, divorce and custody hearings, decree nisi, decree absolute, not getting my clothes and books back, hiring a lawyer to assist in communication, writing lists of belongings I consider personal (e.g. "black boots with zipper, size 39, used"), crying and getting annoyed, finally getting approval to come into my apartment that I bought and shared with my ex, to take things I owned years before I met him, that I inherited from my grandmother or received as gifts from friends and loved ones. It was really stressful and nauseating but in the end I am again proud owner of black boots size 39 and Futura magazine collection.

Third big thing was my trip to my college for graduation ceremony. I drove there with my parents and my daughter and we attended most beautiful promotion ceremony ever. University dean spoke so lovely about life and honor and effort, my mother wore a dress she bought specially for the occasion, my father was so overwhelmed with pride his hands shook so much that all photos turned out blurred and I was moved to tears with everything.

All is well.

Things are moving forward.

I like that.

To Love Life

2011-05-27T08:37:00.001+02:00

Few minutes ago I took this photo while waiting for my colleague so we could leave for Varazdin business trip. It is so beautiful and fulfilling to sit in the sun, enjoy the world, to work and get things done every day. I love it. To take the bitter (and there is so much bitter every day, so it seems) with the sweet and to sometimes let dolts be dolts.

How does it happen?

2011-05-23T23:39:00.001+02:00

It is time for reminder; note to self, so to say. All events are learning chances and if they are extra crappy that is because I failed to learn the proper thing the first time learning opportunity was presented in lighter version of crappyness.

Working weekend

2011-05-22T21:39:00.001+02:00

My offspringess and I had another working weekend filled with appointments and obligations but we managed to make it all fun and tasty. Fun part was when we were returning from children choruses competition and were going down to garage in an elevator. When we were already going down we were joined by elderly Japanese couple who were talking to each other in Japanese and I understood what they were talking about!!! We kept quiet, almost holding our breath, until we arrived to our car and then were so overjoyed with excitement we talked about it rest of the day. Tasty part was this lovely pasta we cooked today - spaghetti with garlic and spinach and croutons fried in olive oil and topped with freshly grated Parmesan cheese.

Tabemono tabemono arimaska? Nan deska? Arimaska?

2011-05-18T00:13:00.000+02:00

Today it was disgusting and extremely stressful day but I got heaps of work done, made wonderful homemade pizza, took time to read some assignments and to workout. Now I'm lying in bed watching Cowboy Bebop and managing to understand much more than just Ed's little song I put in title of this post. So then... when perspective is more closely inspected I have no beef with this day :~)

Kokorono Hikari Da

2011-05-16T08:09:00.002+02:00

It seems that if I just stay still and breathe heaven shall send just the thing I need to explore, take apart, master and incorporate into my life to make myself tick better. The beauty of it all frequently amazes me; fragrance, look, feel... how they all rally to make the perfect entry in opportunity window. Have you guessed what is in the photo above? It is, believe it or not, picture I took of a landed mayfly in the night.

Mercury Rev at Tvornica

2011-05-13T23:16:00.000+02:00

That was one wonderful concert last night at Tvornica in Zagreb. Mercury Rev were in high spirits and the crowd pleased to see them play. I danced and danced and danced and smiled and smiled and smiled. I was so tired and so distressed I can hardly remember when I felt so low and the performance was so beautiful it was giving me pleasure chills. I overdressed for the occassion and I wore shoes so high-heeled that I towered almost all women and many of men there and I was noticed. I wished I could dance and smile and drink 'till I go blind and forget all that ails me but as I am all grown-up now I didn't do that in the end. And then there was Snowflake in a hot world and then there was Senses on fire and then I almost felt as my old and hedonistic self and my faith that all will be well was restored. Going home, I took off my shoes and felt the road and stones and gravel beneath my feet as Zagreb slept and scent of cut grass covered every nook and cranny of my soul.

Lamium

2011-05-10T23:23:00.001+02:00

This dead-nettle looks so succulent and beautiful I wish there were candied versions of it available. Today I spent almost 12 hours at work and I still came home feeling not spent and tired but beautiful and accomplished. I finished lots of tasks and also got complimented A LOT both on my skills and appearance. I felt a bit like a prized stallion (or at least I think they would feel like me :~) with all this attention and it felt nice and comforting since my job currently sucks big-time with all this over-utilization. Most of the time I just feel spread too thin on too many tasks and projects.

Clouds Brewing

2011-05-09T00:17:00.001+02:00

My little vacation is at its end. Tomorrow morning we return to work and preschool. I had a wonderful time; playing, going places, cooking, knitting, eating well and celebrating.

More Taraxacums

2011-05-05T22:38:00.001+02:00

Beautiful weather for taraxacum hunts. I love how this photo turned out - like it is artificially lighted even though it was taken as it is, in the woods, on less than perfect day light-wise.

Koyoi

2011-05-05T09:23:00.001+02:00

Another mouse came to live with us.

Off to Miceland

2011-05-02T00:52:00.001+02:00

Today I made this mouse for my nephew. To be honest, I'm a bit shocked how well it turned out. Also, I'm very surprised to see how well I chose choosing this phone (KU990 Viewty, by which I blog for all this time) two years ago. Almost no smartphones available now have all its options and features and none are remotely affordable as it was two years ago. Not to mention it has sternly held its retail price to this day losing no more than few bucks of its cost, not losing any of its value. I still love it as ever and still use its numerous features - phone, camera, browser, apps, storage, voice and video recorder, planner, video and music player - with pride every day.

Jambrisak spring

2011-04-30T09:03:00.001+02:00

There is something utterly enchanting in the notion that there is fresh, lovely, consumable water coming out of the ground, incessantly, liter after liter. The spring on the photo is Jambrisakovo vrelo on Ponikve meadow. It is really quick pleasurable walk from the road and water is very cool.

Ponikve Panacea

2011-04-25T22:37:00.000+02:00

It seems there is no downheartedness nature walk cannot heal. Weather was nice and warm and my friend and I walked through the woods followed by bird song and rustle of the leaves. We got as far as Sopot waterfall and enjoyed drinking fresh and cool water from two springs along the way. Going back up to Ponikve I found four leaf clover.

There's no sweeter smell to trigger existential crisis then the smell of basket of Easter offerings

2011-04-24T10:26:00.000+02:00

When I was a little girl I was as revolted with religious practice as I am today, the times between just added quite a bit of understanding to my starting flabbergastedness. It just grew from: "What do boiled eggs and spring onions have to do with resurrection?" to "You do understand that this is a mangod who celebratory walked into the city not ten days ago to be hideously murdered in the name of local politics?". Today I am openly non religious person who believes everyone is entitled to his own personal beliefs and I live with highly religious people who don't give a rats' ass for understanding. I am sometimes, just like today, tired of unilateral tolerance and I would sometimes love to have a day off from the incessant fight to protect my right to have an opinion. I would sometimes love to have just one conversationalist that I could agree to disagree with. Why is this so much to ask for?

Tools for the needy

2011-04-23T18:46:00.001+02:00

Ah yes, more tools have arrived from China. Lovely set of 13 inch long bamboo knitting needles in 18 sizes from 2 to 10 mm for 13 bucks and free shipping. My mum said only that she thinks I now own better selection than yarn shop in our neighborhood and I suspect she could be right. So I'm off to find perfect test pattern for all sizes :~)

Dandelion and a bee

2011-04-22T22:12:00.001+02:00

It's so nice to work on days immediately before holidays because so few people work and there is serenity in the air.

Testing, testing

2011-04-13T23:59:00.001+02:00

I have been testing few patterns and designs in the last couple of days and also going through lots of Japanese lessons and Bleach episodes. I am very moved and perplexed with this recurring motif of loneliness as a motive for (self)destruction. I saw it in Moore's Watchmen, sensed it in Laozi's The Way of the King, observed it closely in House MD Ignorance is bliss episode and here in Bleach it is... it is... it is so well balanced and cautiously dosed it is a feast and a celebration to watch it. Gochisou sama deshita, Kubo-sama. Arigatou gosaimashita.

Stop and roll in the new green grass

2011-04-12T13:04:00.000+02:00

New leaves have grown over night. Everything is blossoming. Grass looks so wonderfully delicious I cannot decide whether to roll in it or eat it. I love spring.

FO Simple Purple Socks

2011-03-31T23:03:00.000+02:00

I have just realised I have not shown you both of my precious purple socks in all their glory so there they are. I just love how they match perfectly, just like I'm standing on a mirror. I also wanted to point out how much I enjoy this year Knitting and Crochet Blog Week - meeting great crafters and reading about their life and work day after day (note the nifty tagging system) - this is all so great that I'm a bit ashamed I chose not to participate this year. So I used a smidgen of crafter lingo in the post title to position myself little closer to subculture I already believe to be part of :)

Some Late Night Baking

2011-03-30T00:10:00.001+02:00

It never gets old or tiresome to watch freshly made sandwich buns bake. Tonight I made potato buns from some leftover mashed potato so tomorrow morning I can have some before leaving for Varazdin and take some with me for lunch. I'm watching Karakurizer lose his temper over Urahara's shenanigans and loving that I can understand almost half of things said in original Japanese dub.

Graduation Flowers

2011-03-26T12:56:00.001+01:00

I got this beautiful flower bouquet (that my mum is holding) as a graduation present from a dear friend. Finally I have justified trust of everyone who believed in me against piling evidence that this graduation shall never happen.

Purple Sock

2011-03-17T15:01:00.000+01:00

I almost have new pair of socks as this baby's twin sister is ready to be binded off. Since my last post I turned 33 and had lovely celebration with best cake ever. Things have been happening at lightening speed and I paused a bit with blog updates. Tomorrow I'm taking my offspringess to school as she will be first-grader this fall. Weather is also getting warmer and I immensly love being able to walk around with no coat.

Eskimimi's Dextrous Mitts

2011-03-06T12:45:00.000+01:00

Sometime in early February I bought wonderfull Flutter mittens by Eskimimi and few days ago I found thank you e-mail from Eskimimi in my inbox along with coupon for free download of lovely Dextrous Mitts. I casted them on yesterday morning around 10 and at 4pm my mum had new fabulous pair of handwarmers. I adjusted them for knitting in the round and they were sheer pleasure to knit and on top of that just 4 easy ends to weave in.

Cherry Buds

2011-03-04T19:13:00.000+01:00

I've just had a terrible fight with my mother, person in whose house I live in and in turn participate in life costs and investments. I wouldn't go as far as to say they couldn't go on without me but it is fuckin' sure as hell my buck makes life easier. I do not like her and her values and lifestyle is something I don't identify with but she is my mother and there's nothing to be done here and I expect same leniancy from her. Or at least I used to expect that. It seems that I'm also growing up in this regard. I see now that my expectations were based on unprobable assumptions of racional and objective. As I am saddened by the fact of acknowleding lack of common ground to build on I am also somewhat relieved with finding out I already posess the capabilities of understanding that even if we will never be able to see eye to eye there is nothing that SHOULD be done about it. I somehow feel Tao Te Ching finally sinking into understanding.