Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Reading Minds

Qualia is a term assigned to subjective conscious experience, "the way a thing seems to a person" and it is extremely personal and ineffable. It is redness of red, taste of beer or feel of touch/pressure of lovers lips pressed against your upper thigh. It is pure perception; raw material used to make each of us the person we are.

Qualia is important to me.

I see world as a sequential place. Adding and subtracting variables makes for different pictures. Better recognition and knowledge of mechanics and timing of puzzle pieces contributes to finer, more sophisticated pictures and those pictures are what I work with and deeply care about. Sometimes I write stories or poems celebrating this experience, other times I make people's relationships work or facilitate efficacy improvements in their daily routines - those are all pictures I deeply care about. It takes a lot of observation, some directional small scale experimentation and a bit of persuasion lovingly wrapped in personalised gift wrappers.

But in my relationships I forget to behave, I forget to emote, I just do not share. I'd like for my significant others, friends and lovers alike, to just read my mind. My rational self knows for a fact that that can not and will not work no matter how hard I wish for it to work but my emotional self will not have that notion and me being so stringent in my daily business somehow gives unwarranted leeway to my emotional self to kick ass of my rational self.

So where does qualia come in in this picture?

It precedes all the notions, all the pictures, and as such it defines them in my universe. Sole recognition of the existence of qualia (unique personal ineffable conscious experience quality) makes everything I do, everything I see, everyone I think about or work with unique: we may go down the same path, meet same objects/subjects, observe same events but our brainbox will always dish out personalised data track contributing to different attributions and resulting in behavioral variations.

I'd actually like to be treated like that. Similar but unique. That is my expectation from my significant others that often stays unmet.

Why is that?

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This is second post in On Relationships (tag) series.

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