As probably very few of you will recognize, the landscape in the photo is cg landscape from Septerra Core: Legacy of The Creator game. I am playing it now with my offspringess and we're contemplating concepts of religion, military, class and distance. It seems she likes it and so do I, showing her places and introducing her to people just like I would in the'real world'. It could be argued that people are a bit one-dimensional compared to real counterparts but actually it stands true quite a bit less that one would imagine. Yes, we all have an opportunity to look and regard our neighbors and friends from many perspectives but the truth is we usually don't. People stay just as one-dimensional to us in the real world as they are in games. Additionally, most screenwriters do add obvious notes about character motives and emotions into games, and that... that is the fact we're most commonly disregarding and are failing to acknowledge in life characters.
I had a great day today. I got up really early and run some errands, I had time to chat with my parents, catch some more zzzs', go for a walk with my friend, have a lovely kebab lunch, check a few stores and buy myself a couple of wonderfull books at half price. In the afternoon I made prosciutto and cheese pizza and some sandwich buns for later and watched few Japanese movies while making this beautifully green sock grow. I love it how it is turning out and I especially like how my newly acquired skill of making short row heel is instantly proving to be a wise and very fun choice.
Few days ago I met my friend for coffee after work and we had coffee and talked and laughed. And it felt right, and familiar and homely and in the same time it felt like we're doing this for the first time. We're really adults now - with careers and divorces and parenting and cancers. I see and listen to unhappy, empty people, full of grief and bitteness that they grew older almost every day and I cannot relate to that. I cannot relate to life so detached from the moment it is happening in. I love us being adults. I loved us being adolescents. I loved us being children. It all has meaning and weight and beauty, not just as the way of us getting here to present time but as a road and building blocks and feelings and skills. She told me that she's happy to see me again... to see ME again since she has not seen me for awhile as the disruption of my life by lousy marriage turned me into something unrecognizable. And now I'm back, she says.
There is an empty space, a temporary lapse of reason, there is an emotion missing. I've been lost in the workload lately. I've been lost in the linguistics lately. I've just realized there is separate and exquisite beauty both in a meaning and in a word. I suspect research is afoot.
I got my divorce and child custody papers in the mail on friday. Sadness mixed with ecstatic joy that this formal part is finally over. I honestly never thought that the person I married will be so adamant not to agree about anything (both before and after the split). I still remember how we met, how we (seemed to) got to know each other, how small synchronicities propelled us into passionate love and children/marriage plans. I used to be so pleased with finding such fitting partner and afterward so torn with anguish I had let myself be duped by clever sweet-talker. But I'm not sorry I gave it a go and I'm not sorry for investing myself in this relationship even if it didn't work out as I expected it to. And also I am not sorry this marriage is over because nothing in it worked.
Firstly: Happy New Year everyone! And now back to our usual programme; Last night I made some lovely potato buns (leavened dough with part of flour replaced with mashed boiled potatoes) and ate them with cottage cheese, sour cream and garlic mixture thinking how things are lining up really nice. Problems are popping out left and right but this time things are getting done about them, I am getting involved and not watching events from the bleachers. Sometimes I get confused about how is this actually better than low expectations low stress level life I used to lead but I'm quickly reminded that the difference is living instead of observing life.