Friday, April 24, 2015

On My Run

Photo from Gratisography. Go there to see more beautiful pictures by Ryan McGuire.

Last night,
while on my evening run I was listening to San Fermin’s new album Jackrabbit
(which you can buy here from iTunes),
I was not thinking at all.

It was a glorious night for a run;
beautifully warm (but not too warm) and airy (and not windy).
New leaves on trees planted on my chosen route were delightfully trembling in the breeze
(and I would surely hear them rustle if I was not wearing headphones).

Few people I met on the way were busy going on about their business
and their dogs about theirs,
and we moved by each other in space and time not causing ripples in each other’s paths.

Garmin was gently vibrating at each kilometer… 6:08, … 6:06,.. drawing attention to itself,
trying to be more important than it is -
But I kotowari’d.

"This is a holy time: B'tanay, the time of awakening.” rang in my mind.
Emily rang in my ears.
Legs moved feet one in front of the other.
And again.
And again.
Church radiated electricity expenditure.

A bit of darkness then one lovely round girly butt, traffic light, train station, gust of warm wind, elegant streetlights
and I’m home.
Garmin vibrates again and I cross the driveway taking out my keys.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

San Fermin - Emily

For some time I have been ruminating on this here blog about men’s  stories, especially relationship narratives (not necessarily romantic in nature) and about self-perceived shortcomings that can be remodeled at will. Many posts are connected to song lyrics and all of them are things I think about when awake, and feel even when asleep. If you’re into this kind of tales go and see other posts with tag “On Relationships”.

And now, let’s continue.

Photo borrowed from San Fermin homepage

So he tells me:

“Considering you have experience as a bisexual let me ask you something; is it true that girls are more emotional and passionate?”

“It's not.” I say. “Men are more emotional but do a better job hiding it. Women are more practical but know how to present themselves well. You know, I also have Masters in Psychology and there is a shitload of research in this field.”

Perfect example always presents itself timely so new SanFermin album is almost out and is available for streaming on CBC music until April20th.

I am in love with San Fermin for some time now; it is a thing of passion and heart wrenching sadness. It is a thing stopping my heartbeat and laying low in my throat threatening to smother me. It is both sex and death, it is anything and everything you could ask from music act and some more. Love, both open-eyed and fierce - not blind and careless.

I have heard Parasites (on Noisetrade Best of What's Next sampler) and Jackrabbit (from their soundcloud page) before but album itself is awesomeness overload. Warm, rich, vibrating with passion, compassionate, artful, inviting - inviting! - everything tightly packed in one haunting package.

But perfect example to illustrate example mentioned before is Emily.

I chuckle* from the very first verse, my mind’s eye leafing through the examples from personal experience. They are all like that ambiguous pictures from visual perception experiments; at first you do not see anything, but, once seen, pictures never revert to ambiguous lines. Not even if you would like them to.

And sometimes that is exactly what you would like :D

I love this part most:

“Here in my blurry condition
I hide myself in the room and
Just tell them all that it's nothing
Alone with all of these humans
It'll be believing in the midnight
Young unbeliever in the dim light
Can't believe it all comes to nothing”

Alone with all these humans

… Humans…

My heart goes to the guy who felt it to write it down afterwards. His are not the shoes I’d like to fill.

*that is not smug or happy chuckle. It is very heavy, hurt chuckle, criss-crossed with understanding only spear through the hip can grant.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015


Photo borrowed from here.

In the morning, when taking my hot'n'cold shower
I think about how,
in that moment that hot stream is interrupted with breathtaking cold,
I do not realy think about anything nor do I fear the upcoming temperature change.

I just enjoy the stream of hot water rushing down my body
and then I enjoy being engulfed in chill -
my nipples erecting
my breath stopping in fully expanded chest cavity for a moment
my stomach flat and
my shoulder blades lifted.
There is only me in that stream
but also there is no ME at all.

Pure ego-lessness.

Only water and fountain of joy.