Can't Do Without You

Last few weeks I have been ruminating on this here blog about men’s  stories, especially relationship narratives (not necessarily romantic in nature) and about self-perceived shortcomings that can be remodeled at will. Many posts are connected to song lyrics and all of them are things I think about when awake, and feel even when asleep. If you’re into this kind of tales go and see other posts with tag “On Relationships”.

And now, let’s continue.

There is, like, six more songs I wanted to write about now, here in this relationship narrative series, but I am in distress now and when I am in distress I wait for perfect solution to present itself.

And it always does.

I do not listen to Caribou much. I have also seen Caribou live in Zagreb (2010, &TD).  I went to the show with my then boyfriend and after the dissolution of the relationship I stopped listening to Caribou and also have stopped calling that person boyfriend including syntactic constructions like ex-boyfriend, last boyfriend or partner. At one time I read Žižek’s comment on relationship dissolutions and there he said:

'You don't simply dissolve marriage; divorce means that you retroactively establish that the love was not the true love.' When love goes away, you retroactively establish that it wasn't even true love." Is that what he did? "Yes! I erase it totally. I don't only believe that I'm no longer in love. I believe I never was."

… and I loved it. I mean; I know it is untrue and it is just a nifty trick we humans use to distance ourselves from the pain of our mistakes but it sounded so vibrant it was endearing.

But that does not do it for me.

I want to have my cake and eat it too and I do not mind paying for the cake to be able to do that. I want not only to admit and fully enjoy love, but also want to fully admit and enjoy the subsequent pain - and this is just a perfect song to illustrate that.

(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)
(Can't do without)

“Then boyfriend” is my favorite construction at this time since it admits to the fact of relationship existing at one point in time while at the same time ascertaining degree of separation that is impossible to miss. There was one great post on Killing Time blog back in June 2014 and I commented that:

“It is astounding how many people truly do not understand that after the relationship is over they do not exist in a particular form they inhabited while in the relationship. All this make-believe with “let’s stay friends” is just an attempt to eat shit while using a silver spoon:”

(I can't do without you)
(I can't do without you)
(I can't do without you)
(I can't do without you)
(I can't do without you)
(I can't do without you)
(I can't do without you)
(I can't do without you)
(I can't do without you)
(I can't do without you)
(I can't do without you)
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you


Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without

I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you
I can't do without you

Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without
Can't do without

Can’t (as in “Can’t do without”) is an absolute, a quicksand that slowly devours you while and because you are struggling. Like Master Oogway told Shifu:

"Your mind is like this water my friend, when it is agitated it becomes difficult to see. But if you allow it to settle, the answer becomes clear."

So at the end of the song can’t turns into couldn’t. Couldn’t is no absolute. Couldn’t is a place of measurement, of weighing reality against the empty dream, and - maybe - deciding that reality is more valuble to you then fleeting escape from the pain.

I can't do without you
And you're the only thing I think about
(I can't do without you)
It's all that I can still do
(I can't do without you)
And you know you're the one I dream about
(I can't do without you)
I couldn't do without you

You can never go home, never return. You can only try new ways and new roads and try to catch up to the person you care about and walk with them down previously unused pathways.
And there’s only one way to start the journey.