Tuesday, July 22, 2008

To Drown In Torpor

Up until few days ago I had a friend whom I liked very much. We have known each other for well over a year. He seemed to understand where I'm coming from. He seemed to care. It seemed that we get along really well, that we support and understand each other, that the world is much friendlier place when people exist who will let you lean on them for support and let you support them when and if they will need that.

I thought we get along so well because we're being entirely honest to each other.

It turned out that this was not the case.

I feel as stupid as a cabbage.

It was going so well because I was lied to the entire time.

What kind of person reckons: I will just let this whole situation tide over and than she will be so relieved and thankful that I stayed with her that she will reward my effort with being with me (regardless of our personal differences that we talked about and agreed that this would never ever work)?

Or is it just me? …. Me being too dense to acknowledge that being good to somebody actually implies that you have a hidden agenda.

I’m really not ready to believe such a thing.

3 comments:

suddenly suburban said...

I think most men have some sort of inherent thing inside them that even though they KNOW better, they just can't help but think "well, I gotta try, anyway". I blame the Y chromosome. I think it's faulty.

DerzaFanistori said...

:o)

Of course, we're all entitled to out opinions but I can not agree with you on this one; I don't think it's exclusively men thing and the underlying logic is most definitely not faulty. Many a relationship owes its existence to mere proximity - and by staying close (physically) to someone, any one person is ensuring being taken into account. But what my question eventually boils down to is: in view of (obviously existing, even if not conscious) cost-benefit analysis - how is (was) this beneficial for any of the involved parties? We were both deeply hurt with this one (course of) action taken. What in the world could possibly justify that?

suddenly suburban said...

I don't know. I really don't. It wasn't a good thing to do, at all.