I have been in two minds with this self-sufficiency.
It all started with listening Oko Yushima defend loneliness while trying to present it as self-sufficiency:
"Loneliness is not a sin, no matter what the circumstances, I don't need help from others. Other people only get in the way. To help is mere pity. It is jealousy towards the strong. An insult to a noble spirit. To be alone is to be the only one. The privilege of a superior soul."
Truth be told, his words albeit well thought-out sound bitter and hollow.
Nietzsche said:
"The golden fleece of self-sufficiency guards against cudgel- blows but not against pin-pricks."
Interesting, isn't it?
What I am, in my heart of hearts, is a hunter. Not lone predator but a hunter* - no more and no less.
Yet I believe there is no personal gain that could justify putting one's self in front of others haphazardly, but... some things you cannot foresee.
It is a bit of a conundrum.
It is not that I do not want any company. Just that it is hard (try impossible) to find company that could last (in structural more than temporal kind of way) enough to outgrow "random encounter".
It's like I want a glass that would fit well in my hand, be heavy enough empty and light enough full, be shiny enough to make me smile and practical enough to be easily put out of danger - but to find that glass I have to break a truckload of not-good-enough glasses.
It kinda brings me down even as I know that "you can't make an omelet if you don't break some eggs".
It could be argued that I could shorten my list of prerequisites for that glass but that is my short list already, and I'm really making an effort to be reasonable. And I'm modelling requirements on my abilities.
Maybe that is where I err.
*predator preys on the weak, hunter subdues strong
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