I'm too old for this shit

I wanted to go to 2-day music festival on Friday and Saturday (yesterday and the day before) when all hell broke loose. On Friday when I finally managed to get all of my engagements done we have had the first autumn storm this year and on Saturday I felt so heartbreakingly lonely I could not be trusted to go and socialize without it ending in go-to escapistic solution No.1.

Instead I spent all day and most of the night watching True Blood. Which, in itself, showed to be less than ideal solution as it very vividly showed all the things I've lost... I've had... And could easily have again... And miss. Dearly miss. And believe I should not crave nor strive to get... because I'm too old for this shit. I'm tired and cannot take it anymore. But it is all a lie. I'm not and I will and for a glimmer of hope I will let it all burn.