Black Walnut

It has been long and tiring week.

On Wednesday morning, as I drove to work, I was haunted by the notion that there is no person that I have trusted at some point who had not betrayed my trust, often in some blatantly public and extremely unpleasant way.

And then - I had a car crash.

It was raining and I was driving downhill and there was one black Clio coming out of the park-drive and I tried to stop and Fabia behind me tried to stop also - but failed. As the car behind me crashed into my Twingo I remember watching through rear view mirror and seeing big cloud of hair and I felt my right hand clutching steering wheel and my wrist exploding in a searing pain.

I got out of the car and told the very beautiful girl driver; "It hurt like a motherfucker!"

We moved our cars a bit so traffic could continue and then filled out traffic-accident forms, exchanged phone numbers and left for work.

Sadly, my car was really inconveniently damaged and I think this will be one very expensive repair. Also this had made ten more problems - all of the wrath-kindling kind - but beautiful girl driver proved so far to be wonderful and mild-tempered creature, with magical smile and persuasively apologetic of this whole incident - so much so that she restored my faith in myself and trust.

I am not guilty for people betraying my trust. People do sometimes betray trust of others and that could be preempted with not trusting them. But if I'm not trusting anyone - I'm not communicating with anyone. They do not reach my "soft center" and I do not reach their.

That alone makes us dislodged from humanity.

So I'll take my chances trusting people, still.

*        *        *

The photo above I took on my business trip on Friday  at Varazdin General Hospital. My colleague was driving and we got there and I was tired because I didn't sleep much and angry because of some other crap my ex-spouse is serving me with and tired of all this and in Varazdin sun was shining and it smelled of autumn and coffee and pastries and we bought some coffee and pastries and ate them on third story balcony surrounded with these fake walnuts. When I got home I searched web a bit and they seem like Juglans Nigra to me.

And now it is Saturday and I made myself wonderful hot chilies toast sandwich lunch and I enjoyed it with a cold beer and Future Islands music and all is well.

World is properly aligned again and my heart is at ease.

I will trust again.