Friday, August 12, 2011
We have just talked via phone.
And I know you know... and that you would prefer me screaming and explaining and losing my mind over fruitless argument...
But what you got is; "OK" and faked telephone smile folowed by; "Take care and we'll se you soon."
And you know if I yelled I'd discharge and take pleasure in winning the fight rather than winning the war.
And you know this way that what you've done - that thing we're NOT fighting over - is not getting dealt with and forgotten, it is just being stored in cupboard with other minuses and when the cupboard will be full - we will just be over.
This is how I deal with things and I'm not ashamed of it... anymore.
It could be argued that this is malevolent and vengeful strategy but it is neither.
Not forgetting does not equal not forgiving. It is just that "forgiving and forgetting" is a sign of a feeble mind, mind unable to learn from experience.
Some people fill cupboards slowly, some quickly. I myself acknowledge my cupboard-filling property as quite fast at times. But what describes me most accurately - not just in personal relations but work and life in general - is relentless effort to be as good as I can and to do it in the most personalised, continually monitored and adjustment-making way.
So, if I am continually directing conscious, willing effort into being the best for someone - it would be unjust and patronizing (or downright insulting) not to expect similar treatment back. It is not question of your ability, it is question of your willingness.