It is almost midnight on a Monday night, I had awfully busy day and I'm tired and beat and having a hard time to keep my eyes open but I was so moved by a small encounter/experience with a distant friend over social network and that lifted my spirit and I remembered I had a story to tell you... more of a short sketch really, but a funny story nevertheless.
I'm still very depressed and a lot of my daily expenditure of effort goes straight into mood management. I read a lot and try to keep myself appraised on many social things I don't usually bother to do and to follow and some nights ago I read a tweet pointing to the article on different kinds of tears. Later on I noticed that asapSCIENCE had made a video on this and you can check it out here. Among other things, it says that even though more research is needed it seems that one of the functions of emotional (psychic) tears is release of tension, discarding of excessive amount of stress hormones and a way of ad hoc image management.
And as I already noticed that immersing myself in particular narratives gives me chance to attain some stability through crying my eyes out I peruse this knowledge with fierce intent.
I watched Life of Pi movie yesterday.
I was reluctant to see it because I read the book and I loved it and the book is so tightly packed with visions and meaning and information I had a hard time convincing myself that movie will be anything like the book. So I waited until an opportunity to bring this before myself when I'm not paying attention presented itself.
Strangely enough, I loved the movie. It swerves a bit but it mainly stays true to the story and it is bared down a bit but they managed to streamline rather than cannibalize it.
I watched the movie and cried and stared and was touched by heavenly cast and wonderful viscosity of the scenes and illuminations of the true (integral) story delicate warp.
In a few places I was mesmerized with what director chose to showcase as a synecdoche and one of that places was Pi saying how Richard Parker leaving him unceremoniously broke his heart. They have been building on that foundation stone of goodbyes and letting go and leaving behind for quite some time in that moment of the movie and it was clear they're going to make a point with it. Moments later, alternate story is revealed and the Writer says to Pi:" ...and you... are the Tiger." and everything just falls into place. What Pi says when he says that Richard Parker leaving him so unceremoniously broke his heart and that:
"You know, my father was right. Richard Parker never saw me as his friend. After all we had been through, he didn't even look back. But I have to believe that there was more in his eyes than my own reflection staring back at me. I know it, I felt it, even if I can't prove it."
... what he really is saying (since he - i.e. his predatory, survivalist, murderous side - is the tiger) is that he had to do what he had to do and he found another side/person inside himself that was not his friend and one he had to lose completely if he ever wanted to be human again - AND he just tells us he misses it. The hotblooded happiness, the lust for life it had, the power of predatory, animalistic simplicity of life. Still, even now, sorely misses it.
If I wanted to be human again the tiger would have had to go. Unceremoniously. And that broke my heart. - is exactly what he says. And that speaks in a sentence what all that religion talk from the story could not in volumes.
Later on, I climbed on my bicycle and went for a ride and I thought about that heartache and that schism and society and of fairness and introversion and functionality and some 8 km into my route I noticed a small girl and her father flying a kite in the fierce breeze by Sava and as I approached they smiled and waved and I smiled and swished by them and I looked up and their kite
was a tiger.