Clear History

Last few weeks I have been ruminating on this here blog about men’s  stories, especially relationship narratives (not necessarily romantic in nature) and about self-perceived shortcomings that can be remodeled at will. Many posts are connected to song lyrics and all of them are things I think about when awake, and feel even when asleep. If you’re into this kind of tales go and see other posts with tag “On Relationships”.

And now, let’s continue.

Black Zenith Promo picture. Go visit him on Bandcamp

And then, there are loves that feel like you have been struck by lightning; electrifying, potent, dumbfounding.

Sweet and sticky, like drowning in a pool of awesomeness.

Like this song - Clear History  - by Black Zenith.

I first heard the song on Radio Student and I dropped everything I was doing and went to see which song that is and where I can find MORE. It was such an experience I even got proof of my complete amazement.









It is an amazing song, one presenting the experience of complete immersion into emotions building a relationship, without the need to depict relationship and to overelaborate. Happenings described are here after perceived dissolution of the relationship, but dissolution is only formal (as they always are in this modus of experiencing the world). I love how Davey Oberlin - Black Zenith - presents things rationally, in steady rhythm, using the language of online communication as the norm. And I love how he shows he already knows that he’d been poisoned but still treads bravely through this experience:

I'm not open to say if it's always been this way
I keep looking at the screen
hoping that she'd ring for me, but she's bad for me.
She'd only be bad for me.

I'm not hoping to change
I know how I got this way
I keep freeing up my time, hoping that she'd ring for me but she's bad for me
She'd only be bad for me.

I love how the protagonist asks to be released from service, even if this plea is not actually communicated to the person in question (but more to his own toxic infatuation):

Cuz girl I'm not over you
Please let me get over you

Even though this is one costly experience I’d say that those who never tried this kind of love are missing out bigtime. It is hard to even imagine something so engaging and so motivating (or destructive if you’re that kind of person) without having felt it, at least once.

Our past comes back
I knew I would pay for that
I knew it would never last
I knew it went way to fast
All we got are memories, I start to forget you
Please let me forget you
Girl let me forget you.

I felt broken today
Felt the loneliness and pain
I need you like a needle needs a vein
Girl you're my sanity, I need my insanity

Cuz girl I'm not over you
Please let me get over you

It becomes so sweet to pine, so satisfying to yearn that the pain itself becomes more important than the person who started this chain of events. To overstretched endurance all experiences become so heightened you can live on crumbs of attention for ages, dream in color, use libido as bouncing board for space launch.

Our past comes back
I knew I would pay for that
I knew it would never last
I knew it went way to fast
All we got are memories, I start to forget you
Please let me forget you
Girl let me forget you.

I've never run from it, I've always chased it
I'll never be alone with empty spaces
It's never been enough, I just want to taste it
It wasn't long enough, and now I'm wasted.

And then, just as the song states, we emerge on the other side of pain, reborn. Memories linger a bit more, but it becomes harder and harder to discern your face in them, harder to remember color of your eyes or how it felt to shower together after sex.

Gone. Never to return.

Exactly like clearing history; This action cannot be undone.

Our past comes back
I knew I would pay for that
I knew it would never last
I knew it went way to fast
All we got are memories, I start to forget you
Please let me forget you
Girl let me forget you