It's No Good

Last few weeks I have been ruminating on this here blog about men’s  stories, especially relationship narratives (not necessarily romantic in nature) and about self-perceived shortcomings that can be remodeled at will. Many posts are connected to song lyrics and all of them are things I think about when awake, and feel even when asleep. If you’re into this kind of tales go and see other posts with tag “On Relationships”.

And now, let’s continue.

Photo belongs to Anton Corbijn

I've been Martin L. Gore fan for almost 30 years now because Depeche Mode, to me, is Martin L.Gore. I see him almost as a ventriloquist sometimes, when particularly knurd, and I mean it as a mixture of fascination, admiration and deep respect since I find nothing funny or simple in that fact. Depeche Mode is the first band, and very possibly the only band to which I freely admit being a die-hard fan even though I'm extremely reluctant to ensure that kind of commitment. There are dozens of songs of his I could cover in this post series but most important one unquestionably is It's No Good.

There are a plethora of reasons this song is so important to me spanning from complete visceral enamouredness I feel when hearing it to years and years of dissecting its meaning in context of both my relationships and relationships in general. Just like much of Mr. Gore's work its social and political meanings are no less interesting than its, let's say, trivial interpersonal meaning.

And there is nothing trivial in interpersonal. Interpersonal is the warp of everyday life weave, it sets and defines the frame that all weave must respect and complement.

I'm going to take my time
I have all the time in the world
To make you mine
It is written in the stars above
The gods decree
You'll be right here by my side
Right next to me
You can run, but you cannot hide

It is funny, in a way, to hear so much confidence and even evoking divine providence in what we mostly consider product of hormonal disbalanse - love as human connectedness. It seems so over-the-top confident it comes over as arrogant or downright ridiculous...

Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good

.. And yet, to my knowledge, this is a lot closer to the reality then most of us would like to admit. It is the person who gives meaning to the world, not the other way around. It is us who let go and spare the effort and as product of that relationships dissolve and disintegrate.

I'll be fine
I'll be waiting patiently
Till you see the signs
And come running to my open arms
When will you realise
Do we have to wait till our worlds collide
Open up your eyes
You can't turn back the tide

We do not always manage to create and maintain the relationships we want when we do invest into them, but by not investing we always manage to destroy them.

I love how this song speaks so openly the things we all think, but do not say out of fear.
I love how it displays truth so stark naked that most of us cannot perceive it as truth.
I love how it spells out the fact that if there ever was love in a relationship there will be nothing, ever, that will fill out the remaining void, nothing to patch it up and hide it, nothing to make us forget even if we had a thousand more lives and lovers. Love stays below, like an open gap into the unknown, inviting and terrifying at the same time, for any and all time to follow the dissolution of a relationship.

Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good

For years to follow we get the blind itch of anniversaries, of common grounds, of places we visited together and most of us spend our lives running away from that itch.

But not the song protagonist.

The protagonist takes the road less traveled and bares his teeth to oblivion.
There's something deeply satisfying in considering that one can be that brave.

I'm going to take my time
I have all the time in the world
To make you mine
It is written in the stars above

Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good

Love needs no acceptance. It just is. It is us who need acceptance and someone whose faith and effort will not flicker. And sometimes, it is us who are that someone to other.