Tuesday, September 22, 2015

"There was all that proof."

In the beginning of Life there is this quick mockumentaristic mashup of parts of interviews with Charlie Crews's friends and family, real attention-grabbing stuff of the small things from the unknown context burning its way into our mind and this gentle female voice, repeating twice:"There was all that proof."

Transfixed blank stare and leafing through Path to Zen.

I love that show.

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Lately, when I'm highly stressed I go running.

Through the day I give the impression of being preoccupied, yet in control. I take things and I solve them, one after the other, efficiently and disconnectedly. And  feel extremely efficient because truly I am. There is all that proof.

... and yet, I also know there are things I'm not resolving and stuff I'm not in control of and those I can only leave to unravel and become clear.

Runing helps.

Not really, but in a way how push-ups help a prisoner in solitary. It gives focus, supplies endorphins, eases the mind.

I ran 4K today. Went running when the kid was already in bed. She said:"Now?!" when I gave her a kiss before going out. Yeah baby, now.

It was a beautiful night with smell of autumn in the air; crisp, heavy with overripe grapes and tired foliage. I ran well and I listened to Skrillex's Bangarang like I always do when cannot bear sentences. It has an awesome beat and I feel like a winner entering the finish line with every song. It pushes me to work on my cadence without even thinking of it.

While running I noticed there was my shadow always there before me, running in front of me, always. Mocking me. Playing with me. Challenging me.

Showing me the Path.

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