Lost songs are not songs we heard so many times that we hyposensitised ourselves to them nor they are songs that we have outgrown. There has to be some component of genuine loss, of wishing we could hear them again as we once did, and to de-entangle them from unpleasant or hurtful experiences that made us lose beauty of enjoying them.
It could be break-up, cheating ex-partner, falling out with a friend, death of someone we were close to or some other similar trauma that cause the rift and that rift should be something we wish we could overcome but ... we can't.
I myself have some casualties in that department and I've given it quite a bit of thought so I thought to share one I miss the most with you.
Fallout 2. Intro. Song.
I am very passionate about my gaming history and consider myself gamer albeit I have tiniest amount of time to devote to gaming being working single mom. And in my gaming history Fallout 2 holds a special place of being my favorite game, one I think of most fondly and sometimes return to to play through it a bit more. It holds kind of warm, intimate sentimentality that word "nostalgia" does not quite cover, as traveling through wasteland and conversing with NPCs has weight of spending time "back home" with old friends. Yet, there is something I lost.
I lost Kiss To Build a Dream On.
Kiss To Build a Dream On was my wedding song, the song me and my ex-husband danced to on the evening of our marriage celebration.
As you know, that marriage has bitterly ended long time ago but I have no beef with that at this time. It was justified decision to share the song I loved the most with person I loved the most and it was beautiful and romantic and it kinda showcased all the magnificence of Bert Kalmar, Harry Ruby and Oscar Hammerstein II's song perfectly sung and played by Louis Armstrong.
"Give me a kiss to build a dream on
And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss
Sweetheart, I ask no more than this
A kiss to build a dream on"
We danced, and we kissed, surrounded by our family and friends - all the people in the world who were closest and dearest to me and at that moment I expected to build my whole (dream)world on that fateful kiss.
The moment ended quickly and all that was left were some colorful and not overly pleasant memories. And lost song. Dead song.
Explanations and understanding does not make for any comfort. Knowing I shared it with the person I loved at that time does not make it zen somehow. It does not bring peace and harmony with the universe. I can forgive myself for my choices and I can, both rationally and emotionally, accept that the value of my leap of faith in entering that marriage trumps forever my being poor judge of character - but that does not make it any easier for my Kiss To Build A Dream On.
I'd like it reclaimed and I'd like it alive.
And I think my reclaiming the song will take me letting go of the past and re-entering the wasteland.
G.E.C.K. will be mine.