Monday, October 12, 2015

The Secret

By the time I exited my marriage my self-esteem was bunk as well as my ability to see good in the world. There were just too many examples of failure and cases of implementing changes to no avail. Being told you're no good becomes toil of taking the life out of every action so even when the flood of accusations dries out the prevalent feeling of bad spirit and lack of control remains.

When asked about it at a thousand and one mandatory meeting at social services  I could only muster the will to summarize the feeling into:"I do not want to be this person he's turning me into anymore."

At the core of my being nothing remained but a fear; fear that the experience will leave me forever devoid of my soul, that I would never find my way back into respecting and enjoying life. It was a fear so great it could not even be voiced lest I'd be devoured by it.

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