Thursday, October 1, 2015


When I think about what it took for me to leave the institution of my marriage there seems to be a million things on the surface; the alcohol, the lack of respect, the anger, silence, dissapointment ... A million things. But, in actuality all these things boil down to the minute it was truly over - when I no longer considered him and me as us.

I remember that moment and that train of thought so vividly as if it happened two minutes and not eight years ago. 

I remember despair and furiosity and the frustration leading to that moment. I remember thinking to myself:"But how am I going to do ALL THIS ALONE?!" and I remember my inner voice answering to that voiceless plea with:"You are already doing all this alone."

And that was the truth. Humiliating and empowering truth. There was noone to lean on and share responsibilities with, there was no other for a very long time. There was only me keeping the illusion alive. Me cleaning, me parenting, me paying bills, planning and networking. Me. Not us.

And that was the moment I was out, moment of terrifying clarity stating that all bets are off.

It takes some people a lot more time and effort, it takes lifetime for some and they never come out and yet for others still all it takes is just one bad decision that seals the deal for eternity. Like it sealed for Mr. Stylman here in the third episode of Life. All it took is a bit of fear that illuminated his true colors.

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