"Never give up. Never surrender."

Long, long time ago, during some other personal apocalypse, I noticed that world does not end when my life falls apart.

Sun rises and sets.

Other people go about their business.

Even my heart trods on in its rather predictable rhytm.

I was a bit dissapointed at first, I mean - Apocalypse and routine strolling hand in hand! - that could not be right!! But is was. And it is. There is a undeniable and exquisite beauty that liberates with its sole existence in that fact.

So this weekend I walked off, knit off...

...and baked off another apocalypse.

Sun rose and set. People went about their business. And in every beat of my heart there was acknowledgement and celebration of life. Of survival and continuance. Of neverending resolve to incarnate my hopes.

Tomorrow is another day

Torn between angry frustration and obvious improbability of nonviolent solution I continue my search for more partial solutions that I'll use with seemingly blatant disregard of parsimony law to try to puzzle-up two or more partial solutions covering more of the problem than single unfittable solutions would cover. Will it work? I do not know. But I do know that sitting on my hands hoping for things to resolve themselves will definitely fail. And sun will still rise tomorrow, maybe even so beautifully as yesterday.

Kreso i Kisele Kise, Cirkus and Officer Down @KSET 20Jan2012

I lived in Rijeka when I was in college. It was a great cultural shock for me moving from Zagreb to Rijeka. In positive sense.

You see, I was always more or less unwilling to conform and it often meant I spent a lot of time surrounded with punk and HC crowd. In Zagreb pressure to conform is great and mentality even now small-town and narrow minded (although Zagreb is by far biggest city in Croatia and also capital) leading to punks being beastly fierce, unforgiving and over-the-top in need of visual cues of belonging. When I moved to Rijeka I was, all of the sudden, surrounded with alternative dress-codes and lifestyles of all kinds and that was so usual, so nonchalant, so accepted as normal and so un-weird it was mainstream.

And that same sense of relaxed normalcy overpowered my weary soul when I arrived to KSET last night to see Kreso i Kisele Kise, Cirkus and Officer Down.

Usually early, watching musicians go through sound checks and crowd gather, I was reminded of that very shock and the sense of being at home I always had in Rijeka and from there it only got better.

CiRKUS from Poreč were first on stage and they made for one great show...

... both with their music and being funniest live act I have ever seen. Their front-man was talking all the time and he was so unusually candid that everything they did was regarded benevolent and funny - including few awkward jokes and side-show their nauseous guitarist had during the performance. Reggae really is not high on my list of preferred musical styles but it was sheer pleasure to listen to them play - relaxed, vivacious, auditory attractive, direct.

Next ones up were my primary point of interest: Kreso i Kisele Kise (Kreso and Acid Rains)...

... and they were utterly fantastic! There is very small selection of things more beautiful to me than than to see people that were up until ten minutes ago blending mimicricly with the audience all of the sudden climbing onto stage in wigs, skirts and flower-design long-johns. They played all of my favorites (Odmor-Stan, Zamet me Zove, Babo! Babo! Ugrizo me jež!) and then some and they had absolutely wicked collection of props doing this including feather boa, sprays and paper fireworks. I laughed so hard I lost my voice and I danced and enjoyed this gig immensely.

And if all that was not enough there was another band after KKK's: Officer Down...

... who were promoting their new album "Fušeri uzvraćaju udarac" and who have a cutest girl ever with wonderful singing voice among their midst. I almost felt sorry for them when they were going up stage as the night was not very young at that point and two bands have already shaken the crowd up but all my concern proved to be in vain as the audience had indeed brought their dancing shoes and goodwill with them and they sang with and danced and drank and enjoyed themselves.

I do not think I ever saw so many females like there were last night in KSET nor so overwhelming female to male ratio at any concert whatsoever. And most certainly I never did see women sing so passionately any song with any topic as they sang Rakija (distilled strong spirits, Schnaps) last night.

Great performances, great concert night and great night out.

White gloves

I have not blogged for a few days because I was sad and angry. Mostly angry. And I'm still not comfortable talking about that so I'll just move to other stuff.

My cardigan is coming along nicely, but there was an urgency of greatest importance - my offspringess stated that she's in need of new gloves and this urgent need had to be addressed A.S.A.P. And it was. These white variegated Ringwoods are already in wearable condition.

Also, carnival time is drawing near and my offspringess ordered that short shihakusho coat (like the one Nozomi Kujo wore in Bleach) is to be made immediately so she can prance around in it when the need arises. So I'm putting my cardigan on hold a bit until this is done.

Life is truly beautiful when one sees one's values being integrated in one's children.

It is a playground and a church, all at the same time.

Pure Stems Pack @ KSET 12Jan2011

It may be that I'm most cautious going to gigs of people who I know from my ex-life but there is no better time than the present to confront one's own misconceptions. So I went to see Pure Stems Pack album promotion show at KSET on Thursday night.

First up there were Stronghold, street HC band from Zagreb...

... and they were pretty good. Well played-in, energetic, raw. I loved the nonchalance with which the singer communicated with the audience and I loved how the moment they started to play I was absolutely sure my decision to come to this gig was the right one.

Also, I immediately remembered what I loved best back in the day:  this is the crowd with which there is absolutely no doubt whatsoever that no matter how well stocked the party is there will always be people there who are NOT too drunk to fuck. People who are so autonomous they need no help to say no to drugs, to booze, to pressure of any kind. Regally Independent.

Next ones up, Dryflood, kicked ass and they were contagiously playful and fun to see and listen to. Having two vocals could be tiresome and chaotic but they pull it off quite nicely.

Between taking pictures, dancing and greeting old friends time just flied and then there were Pure Stems Pack up on the stage.

There was some talk, some laughter, few guests and firm HC sound and it all went by too fast.

I am pleased.

It may be that HC is not everyone's cup of tea but they do make best live shindigs. It was good of me to allow myself some leeway in this matter to go and see and remember where is it I'm coming from.

New Dress

As we all got gifts during Christmas season and Frankie didn't get anything my offspringess decided to resolve this tale of injustice with negotiations about dressmaking. She was so cunning this time (I wonder where she gets that from?) she offered to be taught knitting if the garment that I am to make - will meet her expectations.

This was just too precious to miss.

I got my tiny 2mm dpns and fine red mercerised cotton thread and in an hour or so made open back dress tied in the back of the neck that can easily be dressed on the big headed doll. Adorned with black felt flower I thought it looked just perfect.

Offspringess said: "This is the dress? It looks even better than I have imagined!"

So there you have it. Just to plan a few begginers lessons and we're ready to roll :-)

Work and Play

I took a few days off knit-wise and spent first week of this year browsing through books and playing Fallout 1 (tweaked with Falche - OMG the difference for short play time-frames available to working single parents!).

This weekend I returned to knitting and this is my two-day progress working on top-down cardigan (size L, 40-42) for me. I am pleased. I'm even going to write down instructions to make this one.

Kniting it I had plenty of time to watch bunch of series and even a few movies - I especially liked Girl With the Dragon Tatoo (2009) that national TV showed on Saturday night. It is wonderfully made movie with great cast and lustrous cinematics and I enjoyed the immersion immensly. During scenes with Peter Andersson I got so furious my hands shook from anger and my blood boiled.

Wonderfuly made movie.

I think I'm going to go to library and read the books to see the discrepance, and then I will check out Fincher's 2011 version.

Here comes New Year, bringing gift of living in interesting times

How it looked like:

On December 30th we have a fight.

He says we have not progressed at all and that he feels alone.

I say I don't understand why we should give up on something we worked so hard to achieve.

We both cry and pat each other on the back.

He cries because it is a sad sentiment. I cry because it is true.

How it felt like:

HE:

Beside this one isolated complaint – he hasn't done anything to „progress“ us. No hopes or plans have been presented by him and shot down by me. When he says we should do something he means that...

I should assess the situation

And determine what could be done

And decide what should be done

And plan how/when/where to do it

And implement all solutions

And I should do it all the while defending myself from flood of defeatism.

I:

I worked so hard to preserve this because I do not doubt I love him and that I want to make it work with him. I know there are many fish in the sea but I'd like, if just for now, for this fish to be my fish – for this fish to be The Fish.

What it meant to me:

We can only assess our own thoughts and feelings, if any at all. And I think that we mould our significant others and let ourselves be molded by them to soften the edges of our own incongruity with the World. It is a process of love as much as of survival. Process of growth as much as of reactiveness. We may not always choose people who complement us, motivate us, cultivate us – but we choose them in time-space coordinates of our own lives. No effort spent is ultimately futile, no secret kept is ultimately safe.

So we will see what the future will wash up on our shore.