Monday, January 2, 2012

Here comes New Year, bringing gift of living in interesting times

How it looked like:

On December 30th we have a fight.

He says we have not progressed at all and that he feels alone.

I say I don't understand why we should give up on something we worked so hard to achieve.

We both cry and pat each other on the back.

He cries because it is a sad sentiment. I cry because it is true.

How it felt like:

Beside this one isolated complaint – he hasn't done anything to „progress“ us. No hopes or plans have been presented by him and shot down by me. When he says we should do something he means that...

I should assess the situation
And determine what could be done
And decide what should be done
And plan how/when/where to do it
And implement all solutions
And I should do it all the while defending myself from flood of defeatism.

I worked so hard to preserve this because I do not doubt I love him and that I want to make it work with him. I know there are many fish in the sea but I'd like, if just for now, for this fish to be my fish – for this fish to be The Fish.

What it meant to me:

We can only assess our own thoughts and feelings, if any at all. And I think that we mould our significant others and let ourselves be molded by them to soften the edges of our own incongruity with the World. It is a process of love as much as of survival. Process of growth as much as of reactiveness. We may not always choose people who complement us, motivate us, cultivate us – but we choose them in time-space coordinates of our own lives. No effort spent is ultimately futile, no secret kept is ultimately safe.

So we will see what the future will wash up on our shore.

1 comment:

DerzaFanistori said...

E moj Dado, uvijek promašiš ceo fudbal :-(