How it looked like:
On December 30th we have a fight.
He says we have not progressed at all and that he feels alone.
I say I don't understand why we should give up on something we worked so hard to achieve.
We both cry and pat each other on the back.
He cries because it is a sad sentiment. I cry because it is true.
How it felt like:
Beside this one isolated complaint – he hasn't done anything to „progress“ us. No hopes or plans have been presented by him and shot down by me. When he says we should do something he means that...
I should assess the situation
And determine what could be done
And decide what should be done
And plan how/when/where to do it
And implement all solutions
And I should do it all the while defending myself from flood of defeatism.
I worked so hard to preserve this because I do not doubt I love him and that I want to make it work with him. I know there are many fish in the sea but I'd like, if just for now, for this fish to be my fish – for this fish to be The Fish.
What it meant to me:
So we will see what the future will wash up on our shore.